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You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Be Upset?


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have birthdays two weeks apart; his is first. I treated him to dinner and got him a gift that he had mentioned wanting. When my birthday rolled around, he got me a card and we went to a festival together. It's been almost two weeks since then, and he's taken zero initiative to take me out or get me a birthday gift. I can't help feeling slighted. Neither of us is made of money, but it wasn't that hard for me to spend $75 to $100 on him, and I know he could do the same for me.

I understand that guys can be oblivious about the weirdest things sometimes, so I don't want to jump to conclusions that he's just being a jerk, but my feelings are hurt. What's a good way to ask him why he didn't really acknowledge my birthday without sounding selfish or spoiled? — Disappointed Dana

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Disappointed Dana,

I'm a big birthday person, so you've come to the right place! I'd be upset if I were you too, but before you start harboring resentment toward your boyfriend, I'd just open up and tell him how you feel. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being disappointed that he didn't make more of an effort on your one special day of the year, but you're right, sometimes guys just don't get that kind of stuff, which is why it's so important for you to talk to him.

Explain that it's not about the lack of gift per se, but more so that he didn't make an effort to make plans or make you feel special on your birthday. Unfortunately, what's done is done, so try not to hold a grudge. Hopefully he'll understand where you're coming from and he'll be able to make it up to you, or at least apologize.

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