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You Asked: Do Kids and Weddings Mix?

Dear Sugar--

I'm getting married in a week and I never believed in all of those Bridezilla stories, monster-in-laws and such that happen prior to the wedding. That is until yesterday when my soon to be Mother-in-law called me to ask me why I had not invited her grandchildren.

My fiancé's brother has 4 children, 1-12 years old, and to be honest we didn't think it would be a good idea since our wedding is a very small intimate affair with just close family members. I was flabbergasted and angry at her for basically bullying me into saying it wasn't a big deal if they came (even though I had already given the caterer the final count and all the seats were assigned). I only changed my mind because she would really love to have her grandchildren there and it's something my fiancé would want because they're his nieces and nephews - even though he never even mentioned we should make sure the children were there.

After consulting about this with him, we both agreed there really was no need for them to be there (their mother is not invited). Plus, you know how kids can get loud and moody and whatnot. But I still didn't have the courage to let them know we simply couldn't invite them considering the Wedding is in 6 days! I also feel like a jerk for not considering them. So I wrote my Fiance's brother an e-mail pretty much apologizing and hoping there were no feelings hurt. Am I being selfish? What would you guys have done? It's hard to focus on your "Happy day" when you're trying to make everyone else happy. We should have just eloped!

--Barbara, the Stressed Out Bride

To see DEARSUGAR's answer,

Dear Barbara, the Stressed Out Bride--

Since your wedding is only 6 days away (wow - that's so exciting!), my best advice is to just let everything go. Your decisions have already been made and there's no way you can please everyone. This special day is all about what you and your fiancé want - an intimate gathering of your close family members. That means you can't invite everyone and your family will have to understand that. If you really wanted the kids there, you would have thought of them when you were making out the guest list.

You might think about having a second reception or a casual party, inviting the people who didn't come to your wedding. Have a less expensive BBQ or brunch, many couples do this, including the children, and continue celebrating! Let your mother-in-law be in charge of something, like the decorations or the invitations - it'll make her feel special and keep her busy and out of your hair.

You are in no way being selfish here. This is your wedding and you get to choose how you want to celebrate it. Your mother-in-law can see her grandchildren another time, so on your wedding day, she can focus on spending time with the two of you. Good luck and congrats Barbara!


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