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You Asked: Everyone Around Me Is Getting Engaged but Me!


Dear Sugar—

It's definitely that time of year -- suddenly all the long-term couples I know are getting engaged. I've heard story after story about the oh so romantic proposals. I really am happy for them, but it does sting. One couple is on the younger side (23) and that stung even more because my boyfriend and I are a few years older and have been dating for years. I really feel ready for us to take that step, and it's frustrating to hear these stories when it is something that I really want for us.

I've talked to my boyfriend about our future very recently, and we both agreed we do want to get married, and he reassured me that he loves me and it will happen, but he takes this very seriously and wants to feel 100% ready for that step; so for now, I just have to wait it out. But it doesn't make it any easier on me when I hear about all these these other men getting down on one knee while my guy isn't quite there yet. It feels impossible to ignore! Any advice to get my mind off of it and relax? --Perturbed Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Perturbed Penelope--

You're absolutely not alone here Penelope. It can be extremely disheartening when all your friends are getting engaged but you, but it sounds as though you are in a great relationship of your own! Getting engaged is a huge step, so although it seems to be happening to everyone around you, be patient, your time will come too.

I can't express enough to you how important being "ready" is. Pressuring your boyfriend into marriage is just going to cause resentment and or fighting in your relationship so I think your boyfriend's right, you're just going to have to wait it out until the time is right.

One thing I have learned is that elaborate engagement stories and romantic wedding weekends might not be all they're cracked up to be after all. Sometimes, a bunch of fluff is just a cover up on a not so perfect partnership, so if I were you, I would focus on enjoying your boyfriend and the connection you have now as boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually, if it's right and meant to be, everything will fall into place.

In the meantime, since it is summer time, enjoy the sunshine!! Get outside, go to the beach, take a trip with your boyfriend or your girl friends, read a great book, or do whatever makes you happy. I am sure your looming engagement will remain in the back of your mind, that is only natural, but try to just enjoy yourself this summer and keep faith that when the time is right, it will happen for you. Good luck.

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bahkhlr bahkhlr 8 years
At least she has a boyfriend! Iam 25 and single!!
deedee0782 deedee0782 8 years
i agree with Kayden. women can be so needy, it sometimes comes off as sounding pathetic. a few of my friends from high school/college have gotten married recently (im 25). i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and never once did i pressure him about getting married. i know how that deters guys and i didnt want to be 'that girl.' now, he talks about it WAY more than i ever would have because i let him come to that conclusion on his own w.o every making him feel like he had to or that i was vying for a ring like some girls. my father just recently told me that my boyfriend came and asked for my hand. i am more than ready to be engaged, but by giving my boyfriend his space and never houding him about it, things are going along perfectly. be your own person, be strong, be confident and things will go your way. potential husbands, and people alike, will be drawn to that.
kppontrucking kppontrucking 9 years
Don't even get me started on this one. I'm 19 years old, a college junior, and two people from my high school graduating class are already engaged. One of them got engaged about two years ago at the beginning of senior year but they have the sense to wait until after college graduation to marry and the other got engaged to her boyfriend a week ago and she's marrying him in a few months! He's going to be a sophomore in college. She actually moved across the country! Heck, I even think she dropped out of college to get married! Why are people my age in such a hurry to marry? I thought it was supposed to be the time for our generation to gain their independence from their parents and explore different job opportunities! Why be in such a hurry to get married? My dad married my mom while they were in their mid thirties. All I'm going to say is, if you've married before you're ready, you're going to miss the freedom you had as a single woman. Don't get married just because your friends are.
jewelsugar jewelsugar 9 years
don't stress too much. at least you aren't about to dish out 10K or 20K or more. i know that's why i'm still waiting. we have no money! best wishes girlie!
pily pily 9 years
Cheer up... who isn't waiting for the dreamy ring?
meganekko meganekko 9 years
i'd rather wait until the time is right rather than jump on the bandwagon of proposals. your time will come, trust me. i became engaged and was engaged for 5 years. during that time my sister, brother and mother all married and i felt like crap. now i'm just dating someone and i feel fine.
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
Men suck
Daddisgrl Daddisgrl 9 years
I'm with lickety split & Masqueraded Angel & feel that with a guy like that, he will always find a reason why "now is not good". There are jewelry sales all of the time, he can buy you a nice ring for under $1,000 - heck, he can get you a "pre-engagement" ring for under $500. Go to ebay, there's tons of beautiful rings cheap. Ever hear of long engagements? Why do people feel the need to be married within a year of the engagement? What's wrong with 2 years? This would satisfy you, since you would have the ring, you both talk of marriage any way. He should put his money where his mouth is. If he can't commit to a longish engagement, time to hit the road. You don't say if you live together, but I would assume you don't - he probably isn't ready for that either, right? Life is too short to wait for the "right time", some times you have to live in the here & now. If it was me, I would start finding other things to do like one poster said. Start having interests that don't include him. Start blowing him off. He should want you more. If he doesn't and it puts you apart, then you know this wasn't meant to be. The real Mr right may very well be around the corner.
starla619619 starla619619 9 years
i tend to bring up marriage often with my bf but he does too so at least we're on equal ground he does want to get married by the end of the year but he just bought a new car and he cant afford a rin'g at this time.
kayden kayden 9 years
Be happy for your friends in relationships but, enjoy your life. As women we need to make ourselves happy. Your life should not revolve around getting married and having children. That's a piece of the pie. When your confident, happy, active and enjoying life that's when everything starts to improve. I was in a relationship for 2 years waiting around. He keep saying let's take our time. One excuse after another. I joined a kickboxing class and just got into the gym thing and I met a way better guy. Personality wise and he had a better job. I learned from the past and I fit him into my world" put him on the calander"..He is lucky to have you. I pump myself up with that confident attitude. I did not let the new guy see me get all emotional about a permanant commitment This new way of thinking worked and I keep my options open until the new guy actually said I want to only be with you. No more dating others. I keep my time for myself a few days a week so he would not get to comfortable like the last guy and it worked. Guys like women they feel they have to grab because, your so busy living, they are afraid you could find someone else He has told me that he liked me because I had my own interset and was not like the nagging women always asking about a commitment.24/7 and moving in without being asked. We did stuff together and I did my own stuff.. I won my guy!!
melda melda 9 years
most of my friends are married and some even have children! and I have to wait even more maybe when I'm married I'll be 28 yo virgin!!
sparkletech sparkletech 9 years
Yeah, it sucks waiting for him to propose... but it's important to be emotionally and financially secure in your relationship so you can start out on the right foot! Hang in there! :)
sparklemeetspop sparklemeetspop 9 years
Stay strong! In a year, I had 15 friends get engaged. It was ridiculous. During that time it was easy to want to do all the fun stuff that comes along with being engaged, but we weren't in the right place to take that step. A year and half later, he got out of debt and saved to buy me a ring. The engagement was simple and no pressure and I, like I imagine you, wouldn't have it any other way. Comparison is the death of, well, most things. This is your time, your relationship. Enjoy the time together and find ways to have a fun and exciting dating life--something that married couples are quick to lose.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
Look at it this way, all your friends are getting married around the same time. Many people get sick of going to wedding after wedding. When it comes time for your turn, you can stand out and have a great one!
rainonme224 rainonme224 9 years
All of my friends were getting engaged a few months back and I felt left out too. I absolutely agree that you cannot rush him into proposing. As hard as it is you just have to let him do it when he feels ready. If you pressure him he's going to do it because you forced him, and he won't feel comfortable. It will be ok you just have to give it time. Guys like to take their sweet time with these things lol
Lindsb Lindsb 9 years
I am one of those that are in the .. try not having someone at all club. I'm just bitter that all my friends have found the 'one' and I can't seem to find one that I can stand. It's incredibly daunting, frustrating, and terrifying to think that I may never find him. At least you've found someone that you love and loves you back.. marriage isn't the most important thing.
egmorin egmorin 9 years
Being married is no picnic and divorcing is easier than getting out of an apartment lease, so I can assure you that it isn't much security. Every time I feel bad about being single or not married, I rent the movie "Closer." If that doesn't cure you of your rush to the altar, go to a divorce support group meeting. If anything, your boyfriend will have to convince you, not the other way around! 27, single, and wouldn't have it any other way.
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