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You Asked: Have We Out Grown Each Other?

Dear Sugar,

I am 23-years-old and I have been married for four and a half years. When I was a senior in high school, I got pregnant and I had my son shortly after graduating. Within a year, my husband and I got married (he is also the father of my son). We then attended the same college and while our marriage has never been perfect, I do love him with all my heart. I graduated college in December and for the past six months, I have been having doubts about my marriage. We argue a lot and it seems like everything he does gets on my nerves — it honestly bothers me to kiss him right now. There is a part of me that wants to stick it out through this tough time in our lives but the other part of me wants to end our marriage now while we are still young. I just need some outside advice about this.
— Needing Guidance Gretta

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Needing Guidance Gretta,

Getting married at a young age can be incredibly difficult. At 18 or 19, you don't quite know yourself yet, let alone how to have an adult relationship, but that isn't to say that your marriage can't survive. You hear high-school sweetheart love stories all the time, so making it work just takes effort from both you of. It sounds as though you're simply fed up and agitated by your husband right now, which can happen to the best of us — no one ever said you have to get along all the time!

Have you talked openly with your husband about the way you feel? Is there a possibility that he feels the same way? Before you start resenting each other or acting disrespectful towards one another, I advise you to look into couples counseling. Being able to hash out all your frustrations and hesitations in the presence of a professional, unbiased mediator could be a real relationship saver. Experiencing the growing pains of early adulthood can make you have all kinds of doubts, but before you jump the gun and separate from your husband, first make sure you've given it your all. If at the end of the day the love is still there and the fire is still burning, the irritation and doubt can be worked out. Good luck to you.


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