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You Asked: Will He Ever Love Me?

I have been dating my boyfriend, who is seven years older than me, for almost six months now and we have never used the "L-word." Lately it has been eating at me; I feel like there should be a certain point where you either love someone or end the relationship. I know I love him and that he means the world to me, I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him. He is my first "real" boyfriend and I'm one of very few long-term relationships for him.

He has never told anyone else he loves them and says he's never been in love. I spent weeks batting around the idea of spilling my feelings for him first, which takes a lot of nerve, and so finally I did. I came out and
asked him if he loved me, and he told me no. A week or so later I asked him if he thought he'd ever fall in love with me, and he said he "didn't think so." It broke my heart and we nearly ended the relationship. He says he enjoys being with me and wants to see where it goes because we have a lot of fun together, but I think it should be "going somewhere" already. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to wait around for another disappointment. So should I end it now or wait it out and see where it goes, and if so, how long should I wait? I don't want to be in a relationship that isn't headed towards long-term commitment and then marriage. — One Sided Love Linds

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear One Sided Love Linds,

Six months in the grand scheme of things isn't that long to be dating someone but it is long enough to have established some expectations before getting more serious. I do think you did the right thing by expressing your feelings first since it brought you to this cross roads sooner than later.

With all that said, it sounds as though your boyfriend isn't on the same page as you. The fact that you asked him outright if he was ever going to love you, and that he said no, is a huge red flag. If you love someone, you should be with someone that loves you back. Your boyfriend is being very honest with you, so I would trust your gut and get out of this relationship sooner than later. Good luck.

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onesong onesong 8 years
pop, i LOVED your response.
onesong onesong 8 years
pop, i LOVED your response.
medorose medorose 8 years
Call it quits. It sounds like breaking up would be really hard on you, since you do love him, but it's going to be much worse if you keeping falling in love with him and he never returns the favor. It's going to hurt way worse if it goes on any further. I would say break up and if the saying "you don't know what you'll miss until it's gone" is true, then maybe he'll realize that he does want to be with you. If he doesn't call, forget about him. Don't invest too much time wishing he felt the same way: it's a sure-fire way to spend weeks watching sappy movies and eating pints of Ben and Jerry's. Also, from my experience, older guys never take younger girls seriously when it comes to committing/taking the relationship further (same thing happened to my best friend and she was miserable).
medorose medorose 8 years
Call it quits. It sounds like breaking up would be really hard on you, since you do love him, but it's going to be much worse if you keeping falling in love with him and he never returns the favor. It's going to hurt way worse if it goes on any further.I would say break up and if the saying "you don't know what you'll miss until it's gone" is true, then maybe he'll realize that he does want to be with you. If he doesn't call, forget about him. Don't invest too much time wishing he felt the same way: it's a sure-fire way to spend weeks watching sappy movies and eating pints of Ben and Jerry's.Also, from my experience, older guys never take younger girls seriously when it comes to committing/taking the relationship further (same thing happened to my best friend and she was miserable).
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 8 years
OMG THIS IS LIKE I WROTE THIS! Even down to the age difference and the amount of time dating.... weird ness.... But since the beginning of the relationship I decided that Mike wasn't gona be the one I would marry so Im okay..... but still I LOVE HIM....
ragus ragus 8 years
ok he says "I want to see where things go" translaton "let me see if I can do better than you, and i'll let you know" #1 rule Do not settle for something less than the besthonestly why not be with someone that loves you back,...you deserve that don't you? Dont let his emotional hang ups make you think you dont deserve the love. There is no time line when someone should say they love you by, but hes 7 yrs older than you! Hes old enough to figure it out!
ragus ragus 8 years
ok he says "I want to see where things go" translaton "let me see if I can do better than you, and i'll let you know" #1 rule Do not settle for something less than the best honestly why not be with someone that loves you back,...you deserve that don't you? Dont let his emotional hang ups make you think you dont deserve the love. There is no time line when someone should say they love you by, but hes 7 yrs older than you! Hes old enough to figure it out!
jhuck jhuck 8 years
If he said he doesn't think he'll ever be in love with you, then you made the right decision leaving. He wasn't even leaving the door open a bit for the chance of love flourishing between you two. It seems as though it's a dead end and will never get to the point you want, so take your time and move on.
Sofiababy Sofiababy 8 years
eeek! never stay with someone who "doesn't think" hell ever love you. i mean who SAYS that?? even if its honesty, it sounds like he was just trying to nip anything you felt for him in the bud. i mean really, whats the point? i think you are investing too much in something that has no potential. sure, you may have fun, but you dont have to settle for ONLY that. you can get that plus so much more else where. and kudos for having the guts to ask.
smp7328 smp7328 8 years
I know this has to really suck for you. I know what it is like to love someone and be unsure if they like/love you back. It is good (althought it doesn't feel like it now) that he has been honest with you and said that he doesn't think he will ever fall in love with you. At least he has given you an answer. The first guy I fell in love with took almost two years to finally tell me that he didn't reciprocate my feelings. So, be glad that you can break away now, and not two years after realizing you love him. I know this hurts and it sucks like hell, but you can do it. You just need to make a clean break. If you don't, you will just be in this limbo stage of will he/won't he ever change his mind. and there is one thing i have learned from all my girls here at Dear Sugar - YOU can't change him, HE has to change himself. If you ever want to chat, you can private message me. I am here for ya, sista! Keep your chin up :)
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Maybe he's emotionally immature, maybe you are too if you decided to 'stick' it out. Go find what makes you happy because he's obviously not it.
NdHebert NdHebert 8 years
Won't you appreciate it more when he comes out and says it when he feels it, rather than forcing him to say something he doesnt mean?
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 8 years
Life is too short to waste on men like that. Whether he's just scared to tell you, or if he really doesn't love you...he's not worth your time.
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 8 years
i agree with everyone. You will find another man that will love you back and it will feel soooo good. Good Luck!
jadorechaussures jadorechaussures 8 years
You said you're not "in love" with him....yet. GET OUT NOW before your love you turns into the in love phase. It will hurt more then. He said he doesn't think he will ever love you. He's 7 years older than you with far more relationship experience...trust me he knows and its not going to change. Also this is your first REAL boyfriend. You might be getting confused b/c this is probably the first time you're experiencing strong feelings of LIKE but they may not be love. Be careful, the feelings you have for your first BF can be clouded by the newness factor. You don't really know how to rank romantic feelings yet (really like, love, in love, soulmate etc) because it's all so new. You should dump him and date someone else ASAP.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
Move on. At least he was honest. If you stay with him after that then you shouldn't be surprised when you end up not getting what you need from him emotionally.
lintacious lintacious 8 years
if you want to stay with him, fine. but realize that he will never give you what you are looking for. and thus, you will never be happy. and getting mad at him for not having the same feelings will not change his feelings either.
Tall-Face Tall-Face 8 years
popgoestheworld, you hit the nail on the head!
vmruby vmruby 8 years
I agree with Dear and the others.You two do not have the same goals as far as the direction of your relationship is concerned and the longer you wait for things to change (which more than likely won't) the harder it will be to let it go. Eventually one day you'll realize his honesty about his feelings was the best thing that could have ever happened to you.Good Luck and I hope you find everything you are looking for.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 8 years
He told you that he doesn't think he will ever love you? Hmmm.... if you can't figure out whether he will ever love you by that straight and to the point answer -- no one can help you.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
This is a classic case of you asking him an honest question, getting an honest answer, and then you not liking the answer and wondering if it will change. I think so much heartache in the world could be spared if people just took each other at their word. If you want a relationship, and love, this is not the man who will give it to you. As hard as that might be to deal with now, imagine how hard it will be to deal with 3 years from now. Good luck.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
This is a classic case of you asking him an honest question, getting an honest answer, and then you not liking the answer and wondering if it will change.I think so much heartache in the world could be spared if people just took each other at their word.If you want a relationship, and love, this is not the man who will give it to you. As hard as that might be to deal with now, imagine how hard it will be to deal with 3 years from now.Good luck.
7kimba7 7kimba7 8 years
I also agree... if he doesn't ever think he's going to be in love with you, what's the point? do you want to stay with someone for the rest of your life who doesn't love you? I think it's a big gamble to wait and see if he changes his mind.
Lizzard214 Lizzard214 8 years
I agree with Dear. You'll find someone that will love you back so why waste more time with a guy with commitment issues?
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