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You Asked: He Lied About Being Single

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy online and we had so much in common that we decided to meet in person. Our first date went exceptionally well and we soon started to officially date each other. He said he was single but after a while, I began to suspect that he wasn't. Finally, he admitted he was married but separated and in the process of getting a divorce. He told me that he and his wife were still living together with their two kids until all the paperwork was finalized.

Although I had always suspected this, I was totally devastated. I stopped seeing and speaking to him because I was so upset, but he continued to try to get in touch with me. He left a message saying that he was finalizing the divorce, and I missed him so much that I agreed to see him. Even though he cried his eyes out, I still feel like he is lying to me but I can't bear to be without him. I am 23 years old, I have a good job, and I think I am a sensible woman, so tell me DearSugar, am I going crazy?

—Unsure Shirley

To see Dear Sugar's answer,


Dear Unsure Shirley,

Of course, you're not crazy! You're in love which can make you do crazy things and you're thinking with your heart and hoping things work out between you two. Part of you is also thinking with your brain though, which is the good news. It knows that you deserve a guy who doesn't have any other emotional ties but you.

Even though he is separated, he's still technically married and the fact that they're still living with each other makes things even more complicated. You don't want to be competing for his love, time, and respect, and you also want to make sure that he's truly choosing you to love, and not being with you because he needs a shoulder to cry on.

If you are truly in love with this man and want to be in a relationship with him, I think you should wait to see each other again until the divorce is completely finalized. Give him some time to sort through his feelings and be ready to start a real relationship with you. I know it will be difficult to wait, but if you're patient, it'll make all the difference in the world when you're finally together.


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