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You Asked: He Masturbates in My Parents' House!

You Asked: He Masturbates in My Parents' House!

Dear Sugar,

My question is this: Am I right to think it's so wrong for my boyfriend to masturbate in my room (which is in my parents' house) when I go off to work and let him sleep in? I have asked him numerous times not to do it but he still does.

—So Annoyed Annie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear So Annoyed Annie,

I'm not even going to ask how you know that he's masturbating when you're not there. I will say that I have nothing against masturbating, that is unless it bothers others. Do you think it's inappropriate for him to pleasure himself in general, or do you just think he shouldn't do it in your parents' house? Does he masturbate in a way that your parents know, like can they hear him? Or maybe you're upset that he's masturbating instead of having sex with you?

Another issue is that you've asked him to stop and he's not listening to you, which is disrespectful to you and your relationship. I suggest you talk to him about ways to settle this little problem. If he's masturbating when you're not around, then maybe he's needing more sex then he's getting. Or maybe he's doing it as a way to relieve stress, which I think is totally acceptable. You can compromise by having him pleasure himself in a way that no one finds out, like in the shower. Or you can talk about waking up a little bit earlier so you can share that intimacy together before you go to work. If you just think it's weird that he masturbates in your parents' house, then maybe you could also think about moving out. However you decide to handle this, I would keep up the communication and I'm sure you'll be able to work this out. Good luck.

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Abnormal-girlie Abnormal-girlie 6 years
Why don't you just take care of the issue for him before you leave? I do and it makes my day just that much better.
Blackwood Blackwood 8 years
I really don't get how you found out that he did it and keeps on doing, unless he leaves some "evidence" behind, which in that case I completely understand you asking him to stop. But it's complicated... you do have sex in your parents when he sleeps over? if you do, then how is it different from him doing it on his own? have your parents said anything to you that implies that they know when he masturbates? if they don't realize it (which wouldn't be weird, since he can do it in the bathroom, maybe while he's on the shower, or in your bedroom behind closed doors), I don't think it's disrespectful unless he does make it noticeable. However... you can always ask him to leave at the same time you do (what does he do in your parents' house when you're not there anyway?), not invite him to sleep over, or just rent your own place so you can be together and have some private space each at the same time. Or if you want to be a real b*tch... you can always tell your mom to go ask/take something to him when you're sure that he's going at it! that will cure him right away! haha (the last option was meant to be a joke)
behemoth_the_cat behemoth_the_cat 8 years
You should let him do it. It's no big deal! Most guys get a boner in the morning and they can't do anything about it. If you can have sex with him in your parents' house, and let him sleep in your parents' house, then there's nothing wrong with him mastrubating there.
heineken67 heineken67 8 years
Eww. Yet, I can see how a guy would find being alone with all your girly things in your parents' house rather arousing. Guys are wired differently. Still, he should respect your wishes. I also don't understand the situation around this. Are the parents out of town? Is the bf just spending the night or living there? I don't think my parents ever would have been okay with a guy sleeping in in my bed while I lived at home. They've only recently gotten used to my guy of six years spending the night in my room when we're home for the holidays (which is still weird for me, btw).
tinyspark tinyspark 8 years
tell him to stop breathing while you're at it.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
I think you need to relax he is in your bedroom with the door closed not at the breakfast table. If your comfortable enough to have him spend the night in your parents home and I assume have sex in your parents home then I think you should get over the whole masturbating thing. I assume you masturbate in your parents room so if your going to ask him to stop then I think you should stop too. Time to get your own place.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
lol...regardless of whether they're actually LIVING there, I think its just as inappropriate to have your boyfriend sleep over in your parents' house on a regular basis - (and stay there while you go to work) - as it is for him to masturbate there...if he has his own place, spend the night there...don't come down on him for his morning routine when you're having sleepovers at your parents' house...sleeping together in a bed at my parents house would creep me out and make me feel awkward in the morning, and Im engaged...
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I'm disgusted that a grown a$$ man is living with the parents of his girlfriend. Frickin' year is this?
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I am just too old fashioned. or too moral i guess. If he is sleeping with you, and you are still living at your parents house. than i think the whole question here is a mute point.
ElizabethRae ElizabethRae 8 years
vanyvrgs and angiebaby read my mind! I think you having sex with your BOYFRIEND at your parents' house is way more disrespectful than him taking care of his business. Unless he is staining the carpet or something, I don't see what's wrong with it.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 8 years
Eeew. To think of how you discovered this...yuck yuck yuck. I think it is a little strange that he is touching the winkie after YOU leave him alone in YOUR room in YOUR parents house after HE spent the night. Personally, I don't like when other people hang out in my room after I leave. It is creepy to me so if I was you, I would have him leave when you leave in the morning. He is going to do it. All men do. ALL MEN. Tell him he needs to go spank the monkey on his own time in his own house - anywhere but your room. On a side note: I have to agree with the girls and if you are old enough to have your boyfriend stay over for sleepovers and he stays after you leave for the day, I think you are old enough to get a place of your own.
nikodarling nikodarling 8 years
I think it would help if we knew if they were living together in the parent's house or if he is just sleeping over. If he doesn't live there simple solution - kick him out in the morning. If he lives there then he has every right as long as he's quiet and discrete. And I would like to know how you know he's masturbating if you aren't there. Did your parents tell you this? did he tell you this? I am sorry for your problem but this is highly amusing.
sugarbritches sugarbritches 8 years
I can't get it out of my head that really the only conclusive way she could possible know he was doing it while she was away was if he was messy about it and that REALLY skeeves me out!! I suppose he could be really noisy about it too, but that's just wrong also. It really shouldn't be that hard to do it without anyone knowing so what's the deal? I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it should be a personal event. Isn't that kind of the point?
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 8 years
my boyfriend has masterbated at my parents house (this was a long time ago when i lived with my parents)....... i really really dont understand why this would upset you unless there is another problem that you are not seeing.
Marci Marci 8 years
Okay - he sleeps over, so I'm guessing you're having sex with him in your parents house. If that's the case, why would his masturbating in your parents house bother you? Maybe it's just that it bugs you he masturbates period, and it doesn't really have anything to do with where he's doing it.
catdaddy catdaddy 8 years
Get married and then you can have unadulterated sex with the guy and then he might stop. He does not HAVE to do this. It is a choice he is choosing.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
agreed ashcwebb... like how about you two get an apartment together or something... a couple living with someone's parents is generally awkward all around... I have friends doing it right now... and she magically got pregnant, thats another story lol... but yeah if you're okay with having sex in your parents house, masturbating there shouldn't be an issue either.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Yea I'm with vanyvrges on this one. You can bring him into your parents house and sleep with him and possibly have sex...but he' not aloud to masturbate??? I don't get it...
LaLa0428 LaLa0428 8 years
This is a head scratcher for sure, how do you know he's doing this? And why is it ok for you to have sex with him in your parents house, but he can't have sex with himself? You might want to think about moving out or going to his house.
starbright14 starbright14 8 years
Hmm... yeah I can't see a way of stopping him... unless your mother walks in!
Beaner Beaner 8 years
I'd move out of your parents' house for sure. BTW - How DO you know he's doing that while you're not home?
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
You're asking a guy to stop masturbating? What? It's totally normal and like 98% of men do it all the time! The other 2% are lying.. Kick him out of the house if you don't want him masturbating in your bed (he closes the door, right?)!
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I think it's probably a turn on for him to do it for a whole bunch of reasons: 1. he could get caught by your parents; 2. he's in your bed while you're off to work, having nice fantasies about you; 3. it's forbidden!!! If I were him, I'd probably do it too!
htiduj htiduj 8 years
i think the issue here is not whether or not its ok, but why he is still doing it after you asked him not to. has he given you an explanation as to why he doesnt want to stop despite your wishes? or does he just completely disregard them without any discussion - which is disrespectful. i also think you have to think about why it grosses you out to much. i mean if he sleeps over your parents house, i would assume you are at least hooking up if not having sex. if you dont feel grossed out doing that in your parents house, why does the masturbating bother you? think it out so you can talk to your boyfriend and work out these issues. also, does he live in your house with your parents? if not, i think the wierder thing is that he is sleeping in and basically hanging out at your house while you are not there.
kiddylnd kiddylnd 8 years
Oh and Angiebaby, one would assume from the fact that he sleeps there often, or even lives there that it's okay with the folks and not disrespectful. You may not agree with everyone's choices in our 'modern society', but that's between them to work out and not us to judge.
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