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You Asked: Is He Into Me or Not?

Dear Sugar,

About a week and a half ago I met a guy at a bar and we went out a few days later. He seemed sweet, smart, and cute, and I had a really good time with him. We even made out a little while watching a movie on the couch (after a beer or two). I asked him to go with me to an event a week later but things only went OK. We held hands a little but the conversation didn't flow that well but we tried our best not to make it awkward. However, at the end of the night, I couldn't read what he was thinking. He didn't try to kiss me good-night, so I ended up giving him this awkward peck at the last second. I asked when we would be seeing each other next, and he said he isn't available until the next weekend. My friends told me that if he was interested he would have asked me out regardless and gone in for a good-night kiss. So, now I've been waiting by the phone for days, a little confused as to whether he even has an interest and if he's going to call. What's your take?
— He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not Natalie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not Natalie,

Your friend has a point, but that's not to say that he isn't interested. It seems like everyone keeps getting busier and busier so maybe he just doesn't have time next week. He could also not have leaned in for the kiss for a number of reasons, but at the end of the day, he should have given you some sort of hint if he was interested in you. In my book, if you like someone you let them know — playing games just prolongs the inevitable. What does your gut tell you? Do you get the feeling that he wants to go out with you again and is just timid? Or do you doubt his intentions and feel like he was subtly blowing you off?

Since the conversation didn't flow on your last date, he could be avoiding the situation as opposed to being honest about his lack of interest. Don't wait by the phone — keep yourself busy and if he doesn't call soon, I'd take the high road and accept the fact that he might just not be that into you. As cliche as that may sound, it's often times the truth. Knowing that he's not interested sooner than later will prevent you from wasting any more precious time that you could be using to meet someone else. Good luck.

Source

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Join The Conversation
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 8 years
It sounds like that second date didn't go so well. it would be best if you just forget about him and move on. If he is interested he will call, but it sounds like the connection just isn't there.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
He's not that into you. Move on, don't waste your precious time thinking about him anymore. He doesn't seem to care, so why should you? JMHO.
sugarsister sugarsister 8 years
you had two dates and only one of them went well. if you didn't like the second one and it seems that neither did he, why press for more? let it go and move on. nothing lost here
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
ccsugar, I learned the same thing about asking when you will see him next. How sad is that...
nicachica nicachica 8 years
i agree with all the previous posters. besides, it's just been two dates so as much as it sucks that he didn't give you a clear yes or no answer, it's easier to move on now than 5 dates from now. now go out and get on more dates so you can find a guy who you really get along with! honestly, from this post it sounds like you already knew the answer to your question but just wanted confirmation. good luck!
nicachica nicachica 8 years
i agree with all the previous posters. besides, it's just been two dates so as much as it sucks that he didn't give you a clear yes or no answer, it's easier to move on now than 5 dates from now. now go out and get on more dates so you can find a guy who you really get along with! honestly, from this post it sounds like you already knew the answer to your question but just wanted confirmation. good luck!
gingerclip gingerclip 8 years
Sorry, but if you can't tell that he's into you, then he's not. It's my experience (both from dating them and from being friends and hearing them talk about dating) that they never want to be the bad guy and hurt your feelings. As a result, they think it is easier on you to be vague and drift away rather than to just be upfront and say that there won't be any more dates. If he didn't ask you out at the end of the date or call in the next couple of days, I don't think he will.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I find that if you have to ask "Is he into me?" the answer is almost invariably a big, fat, NO. You can tell when a guy likes you! It's easy!
michelleannette michelleannette 8 years
you met at a bar and hit it off? you went out and made out a little on the couch--after beers.....you then took him to an event, did you drink? if not it sounds like maybe he loosens up after a few drinks. if you think it could go somewhere take him up on next weekend...get to know each other without the drinks. don't pass up other opportunities along the way or anything...just don't write him off because he didn't kiss you. live your life, don't wait around and see what happens.
trixiefire trixiefire 8 years
The lack of chemistry on the second date threw him off, dont wait by the phone.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years
He's not that into you. Sorry.
Jeny Jeny 8 years
He's just not <b><i>THAT</b></i> into you.. time to moooove on!
Jeny Jeny 8 years
He's just not THAT into you.. time to moooove on!
Marci Marci 8 years
Your description of the second date sounds like it wasn't clicking. If it isn't clicking, it isn't clicking, and there's nothing to be done with that. You can't force a connection. I don't know how many guys I've been on one, two or three dates with and then that was that. That's the point of dating; to see if you click. And if one of two people isn't feeling it, it isn't going to happen. It's as simple as that. I'd say forget about him and move on. Why wait around for something that could never come?
Marci Marci 8 years
Your description of the second date sounds like it wasn't clicking. If it isn't clicking, it isn't clicking, and there's nothing to be done with that. You can't force a connection. I don't know how many guys I've been on one, two or three dates with and then that was that. That's the point of dating; to see if you click. And if one of two people isn't feeling it, it isn't going to happen. It's as simple as that.I'd say forget about him and move on. Why wait around for something that could never come?
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
I agree with you guys maybe not clicking. Maybe he was caught in the moment when u guys 1st met and then thought it would feel that way again the 2nd time....it's okay! Don't get hung up over this...let it go and move on to the next guy. Don't call him either. At least he wasn't a COMPLETE jerk, u know? if curiosity is killin you, call him and ask. It doesn't hurt to know. In the past, I've just called to say hi and "thanks for the date!" Then I leave it to him to call me.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
I agree with you guys maybe not clicking. Maybe he was caught in the moment when u guys 1st met and then thought it would feel that way again the 2nd time....it's okay! Don't get hung up over this...let it go and move on to the next guy. Don't call him either. At least he wasn't a COMPLETE jerk, u know? if curiosity is killin you, call him and ask. It doesn't hurt to know. In the past, I've just called to say hi and "thanks for the date!" Then I leave it to him to call me.
ccsugar ccsugar 8 years
It sounds like you guys just didn't click - I agree with your friends, if he was really into you, he would've gone in for a kiss and made some more definite plans. In my experience, when I've asked a guy when we'll hang out next (I've learned not to ask that anymore, btw), and he gives some vague answer, that means he hasn't decided yet if he wants to see you again or not.
TheMissus TheMissus 8 years
Well, in my experience, a bar is a fine place to meet someone (that's where I met my husband.) HOWEVER... This fella ain't into you. Please don't wait by the phone for him. Why would you want a guy who doesn't make an effort to make plans with you? Go out there and make plans for yourself. This guy sounds like a dud anyways.
TheMissus TheMissus 8 years
Well, in my experience, a bar is a fine place to meet someone (that's where I met my husband.)HOWEVER... This fella ain't into you. Please don't wait by the phone for him. Why would you want a guy who doesn't make an effort to make plans with you? Go out there and make plans for yourself. This guy sounds like a dud anyways.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
In my experience, a bar is not the best place to meet someone if you are looking for a substantial relationship. Thats not to say its cant happen, though. Anyway, if the conversation was awkward and strained, Id say that would be your first sign to move on. I am incredibly shy and often have a hard time on first dates, but when my boyfriend and I went on our first date, we clicked right away and it was like we had known eachother forever and the conversation flowed freely.(we've now known eachother for 5 years) I say go with your gut. Women have this amazing ability to know exactly whats going on, but we also have an amazing ability to convince ourselves that we are overreacting or making something out of nothing. If you really feel like this was his nice way of blowing you off, then just move on. I know it sucks, but better to find out now than later, right?
Pistil Pistil 8 years
Sounds like he may not be that interested, but don't worry! And don't waste your time waiting for him. There are plenty of guys to meet out there.
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 8 years
don't waste your time. if he calls and you are available fine. but DO NOT break plans to see this guy. females are always famous for dropping any plans that they may have for a guy. don't be that girl. see him on your terms. good luck. and don't sit by the phone. maybe let it go to voicemail anyway.. let him think YOU are the busy one!
robins robins 8 years
I agree with dear and meg...don't wait by the phone!!
mlen mlen 8 years
move on! if he does call and wants to hang out with you again, then you can definitely chose to hang out again with him if you'd like but i agree with dear, unfortunately he may just not be that into you. and that is his loss! if it really is because he's busy then he will call you eventually and as i said, its your choice, but don't wait for the phone to ring!
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