My boyfriend and I have been living together for over two years and everything has been great except for our sex life. For almost a year, it seems like the only time he wants to have sex is when he's drunk, and I'm obviously a little confused by this. We used to have sex all the time, at least four times a week no matter what. Now I'm lucky if it happens once a month.
I wish we were having sex more, and not just when he's kicked back a few drinks. I have no idea how to approach this. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even want me unless he's intoxicated. What should I do!?
—Where's the Action Amy
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Dear Where's the Action Amy,
I hate to say it, but relationships that have been going on for a while tend to lose their pizzazz. You eventually reach a level of comfort and you both stop trying to impress the other because you've already won each other's hearts. To keep the fire blazing, you've each got to put forth a little more effort.
Just because your man doesn't want to have sex with you as much as he used to doesn't mean he doesn't want you - he obviously gets turned on when he's been drinking, it just seems like he's lost his sex drive a little.
Women definitely take it personally when their men don't want to have sex. It makes them feel unwanted and unloved, so you've got to tell him that. Be honest and straightforward, and talk to him about your sexual needs. Tell him you want more kissing, hugging, and affection — not just when he's drunk. Your boyfriend probably has no idea how much this upsets you, so let him in on your feelings and see what happens. Good luck.