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You Asked: He Wants a Break and I Don't

You Asked: He Wants a Break and I Don't

Dear Sugar--

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He says he wants a break as he is going through some heavy therapy may be having a mid-life crisis - he even asked me to join him in a therapy session. He says he needs the break to get his head together however he says the break is not about us. I can't get over the fact that if he wanted to be with me, then he wouldn't be wanting this break. In my opinion, loved ones help each other out and get through the tough times TOGETHER.


He is still calling me and having casual conversations as if nothing has happened, but this time apart is killing me. I don't know what I should do. Walk away? Wait for him? Be in this limbo and be miserable, or cut all contact until he gives me a definite answer about our future?

--Not Wanting a Break Bianca

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Dear Not Wanting a Break Bianca--

It's very sweet of you to want to support your boyfriend while he's going through a rough time. I see your point about how some couples can stay together and help each other while they're in need, but maybe he's embarrassed and doesn't want you to have to play that role. He might just want to take time on his own, get through this rough patch, and then get back to being the strong man you know.

Even though it was his idea to have a break, you get to decide what your relationship will be like from now on. If you are happy remaining friends and chatting every few days, then you can be there for him in that way. If it's too painful to "just be friends," I would insist he not call you or see you until he has figured everything out. After all, this break was his idea, so he'll have to deal with the consequences.

The hardest part about this situation is that he can't tell you when he'll be ready to commit again. It could be 1 month, 6 months or 2 years. You can't just sit around and wait for him to be ready -- it's unfair and unhealthy -- so I suggest you move on and date other people. I know it'll be hard to move on at first, but just have faith that if it's meant to work out between you two, it will. Good luck Bianca.

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