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You Asked: He Won't Commit

You Asked: He Won't Commit

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing a man for over a year now, and he can't give me an affirmative answer as to how he feels for me. I have known him for over 20 years and would really love to be with him for the rest of my life. He's very stable and gives me the sense of security that has always been missing in my life.

I'll also add that he's currently seeing another woman that he has been with for over 10 years. I want so badly to be with him, but because of the lack of commitment, I don't know whether to just tell him to make up his mind or let me go. I've tried to stay away from him but I just can't. What can I do?

— I Need Commitment Carolyn

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Dear I Need Commitment Carolyn,

I'm going to go to the rule books on this one, and say that if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you — only you, and he would happily express this to you all the time. Now, there are always exceptions to the rules: maybe he's shy, scared, or moving slowly, but I don't think any of those things account for a year of seeing two women at once.

It's obvious that you love him, and value those good things that he brings to your life, so I think you should tell him how you're feeling, even if it's the most uncomfortable and vulnerable conversation you'll ever have. You're at your wits end so you have nothing to lose. If he asks you not to leave him, and promises to commit to you then he needs to actually do so. And if it's the other scenario, well then you need to move on from him, for good this time. It's going to hurt, but you'll be so much better off in the long run.


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