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You Asked: Is He Worth It?


Dear Sugar,

I have been dating a guy for about eight months now. We have been friends for several years and always liked each other but it wasn't until a year ago that we were both single and decided to get together. We have a lot in common and we always have fun with each other. He gets my personality better than any of the guys I have dated before him and actually knows how to handle my "Monica" tendencies.

However, he is going through a huge transition in his life right now. He has finally decided to finish school which will add to his $70,000 student loans. His parents are completely unsupported with anything he does and he is basically broke.

I really love him and can picture us with a future together but the stress of his situation has already gotten to me. I am always his outlet for frustration and stress which wears on me because I have my own stresses. By the time he is done getting his college degree and teaching certificate he will owe $100,000, not including all the interest. This amount of money is daunting to me. It's currently not my debt but if we stay together and get married, it will becomes mine. Fortunately I am not in any debt and I know I'll have a decent paying job once I am done with school but I don't know if I want to foot all the bills while he is paying off his school loans.

With all this said, my question for you is this: should I stick it out with him and accept that this amount of money will burden us for years down the road (will we be able to afford a decent house and kids?) or do I run now and try to find someone more financially stable? — In the Red Rebbecca

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Dear In the Red Rebbecca,

You're right, your boyfriend is going to be in some serious financial debt after all is said and done, but he obviously feels his education is worth it. Of course, it will take some time to pay off all his debt, and you're being smart to think proactively about your future, but at the end of the day, if you love him you shouldn't be losing sleep over this.

Since you've only been dating eight months, I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket quite yet. Have fun and see where the relationship goes. If things do end up working out between you, it will be because you love each other despite the financial obstacles you have in front of you. Finding someone you want to spend your future with is a huge deal and while you might have to make some sacrifices like waiting to buy a house or having kids until his debt is under control, you have to ask yourself if passing up "the one" is worth it. If you ask me, I would say no. I happen to think finding a compatible mate is something very special that you shouldn't pass up so have faith that it will all work out in the long run. I hope this helps.

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