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You Asked: His Penis Makes Me Nervous

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing my new boyfriend for about five months and we have plenty of good fun sex, some adventurous stuff too (well, adventurous for me), but the trouble is he thinks that I don't like his penis because I don't do well with hand and oral endeavors. He is great at explaining what he wants and how to pleasure himself, but I'm not a talker so I end up flustered and self conscious about messing up. I'm worried that he'll give up on me and look elsewhere.

—Scared of it Stacia

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Dear Scared of it Stacia,

When you are inexperienced with men and their parts, it can be really intimidating. I'm sure women everywhere felt anxious and maybe a little embarrassed when they first started being intimate with men. We all can admit that we were nervous about what to do with a penis, and worried that we weren't doing it right, but honestly, all it takes is a little practice with an understanding partner, and you'll soon become more comfortable.

It's great that your man is open enough to explain what to do, but when you're involved in the moment, I don't blame you for feeling like it's a school lesson instead of an intimate experience. Maybe you can try talking about this when you're not getting it on. Have him explain and show you what to do outside of the bedroom. Start with learning what to do with your hands, and then you can move onto using your mouth when you feel the time is right. Another good option is to talk to your girlfriends about it (or anyone else you feel comfortable with). I'm sure they can give you some pointers about technique, so when the time comes to get intimate, you'll feel more confident about what to do.

I wouldn't be worried about your man moving on because if he really cares about you, he'll be patient and realize that sex isn't the only important thing in a relationship. Everyone is different, and it sometimes takes a little time to figure out how each other ticks so just try to relax and enjoy the time you have to practice. If he gets annoyed or impatient with you, then this guy's not even worth getting to know in that way anyway.


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