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You Asked: How Can I Break It Off for Good?

Dear Sugar,

I've been with the same guy for almost ten years; since I was 16. We have two kids together and are not married. I really don't know how to make him understand that I can't do this anymore. I broke up with him once before for a whole two years and he just kept coming back until I got back together with him. I don't want to be with him, but I don't know how to let him go. I think we're too different; that we want two different lives, but I can't make him go away. He won't take me seriously and I don't want to hurt him, but I feel so trapped.

He'll say he wants to see the kids, but that's not what it is — he just wants to see me (well not only me). It's really hard to be around him because he is very charming and he usually convinces me to have sex with him which always leaves me unfulfilled and even more confused. He hasn't even kissed me in years!! I'm so confused. I don't want him, but I don't want him to hate me and that's how he acts every time I try to explain it to him. What should I do? — Over Him Olivia

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Over Him Olivia,

It sounds to me that you are simply too afraid to cut this man out of your life for good, and since you have children together and have been involved for ten years, I don't blame you for being sheepish about it. With that said, it's pretty clear that you aren't happy so it's time to take control of your life and make a change.

I am sure you don't want to hurt him, but Olivia, you're only hurting him, and yourself more by staying in a one sided relationship. The fact that he hasn't kissed you in years leads me to believe that he's not all that happy either. You can't force yourself to feel something that just isn't there, so if I were you, I would end this relationship sooner than later. Of course, separating once and for all will be hard on him, as it will on you, but after the dust settles, I have a feeling you will be able to realize that you did the right thing for everyone involved. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel special, loved, fulfilled, and most of all desired. Good luck to you.


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