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You Asked: How Can I Change?

Dear Sugar,

Me and my boyfriend got into a couple of bad fights last month. Actually it was more like me yelling like a crazy person and him trying to walk away. He says he does that so he won't say something he'll regret, but I take it as him not listening or not caring. We finally talked a week after our last spat, and he told me that he doesn't think it's going to work out because he's tired of trying.

Every time it gets to the point where he wants to breakup with me, I change my tune and don't sweat the small stuff. But after a couple of months go by, I get back into the routine of getting upset and flipping out. I know I need an attitude adjustment and I want to change, but I don't know how. Do you have any advice? — Want to Save My Relationship Sandra

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Dear Want to Save my Relationship Sandra,

This isn't a healthy cycle to be in so I'm glad to hear that you want to make a change. I think acknowledging your flaws is the first step, and I know that's not an easy thing to do, so I applaud you for stepping up to the plate.

It sounds to me like you get angry easily. Try taking deep breaths and thinking through your emotions before letting your initial reaction get the best of you. If you find that that doesn't help, try to look deeper inside to see if there's something else going on that's creating this anger. It's also important that your boyfriend looks at the role he plays, as something tells me he's not just an innocent bystander.

While I understand that you want to save your relationship, I think it's important for you to make this change for yourself, not only your boyfriend. Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist might also help you sort through your emotions, but whatever route you decide to take, try to keep it all relative. Good luck to you.


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