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You Asked: How Can I Get Him Back?


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I had a wonderful relationship for well over a year and half. We were very good friends, and though we bickered every once and awhile, we always made it work. We recently had a terrible fight; we both behaved irrationally and said really mean things to each other. We haven't spoken since and he's gone so far as changing his number. I know I ticked him off but I love him dearly and want him back. How do I make things right again?

— Regretful in Raleigh

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Dear Regretful in Raleigh,

Sadly, a year and a half of pure bliss doesn't mean that a relationship is meant to be. The fight you had sounds pretty nasty but that's not to say you can't work through it; however, if your ex won't return your emails and he's changed his number, it might mean that he doesn't want to at this time. If I were you, I'd be concerned that one fight could cause him to make such a drastic move. It either means that he's not good at handling conflict or he's been deeply hurt. If it's the former, I'm not sure you want him back unless you're willing to go through this every time you fight.

If he's truly hurting, then the first step is to give him space. Since you don't have his number, write him an email or letter that apologizes for any part you played in the fight, and let him know you're ready to talk when he is. Don't email him again. He'll either approach you when he's ready or he won't, which means that he's not interested in continuing a relationship with you. The truth may be hard to swallow, but there's no point in trying to make something work with a person that doesn't want to be with you; you'll both end up unhappy in the long run. Good luck.

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