I want my boyfriend to go down on me more often but I just can't bring myself to ask him because I don't want him to feel like a sex slave. I care about him deeply but I just haven't been able to orgasm with him in our 2 years together and have seriously thought of ending the relationship because of it. I'm clean; I shave and bathe at least once a day if not more. He told me before that he doesn't like to do it but he's done it several times and quit which made me lose my enthusiasm to give him oral pleasure. Is our relationship dying?
To hear DEARSUGAR's answer
Dear Dissatisfied Dana--
You are describing a very common problem among women. Women need to feel wanted and desired and it sounds like he's making you feel the exact opposite! If you feel like your boyfriend isn't putting much effort into pleasing you, I can understand why you don't want to please him either, but then you will end up with two very horny people who resent the other person for not giving them what they need. I'd want to break up too!
You say that you haven't had an orgasm with your boyfriend for 2 years (gasp!), but I'm wondering if you are able to orgasm on your own, or were you able to with previous partners? If the answer is yes, then you've got to take a night to show your man how to please you. Some men love when you are assertive and tell or show them what to do, especially if they are insecure in the bedroom as it is. If you want him to go down on you, as hard as it may be, you've just got to come out and ask him (but say it in a sexy voice while you're kissing him). He may be reluctant to do it if he feels like what he's doing isn't working, so let him know you like it and give him some positive feedback. If you feel embarrassed to ask, try a more cheeky approach, you can start pleasing him orally, then stop and say, "ok, it's my turn." Whatever your approach, it is high time your boyfriend figures you out or else your relationship is bound to suffer even more than it already has. Good luck.