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You Asked: How Can I Make My Family Like My Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar--

I have been with my boyfriend since April and we totally hit it off right away and have been great since. I'm a single mother of 2 small children and he loves my kids and my kids love him. The only thing is that my family hates him, literally. They tell me that he is too young, not mature enough, ugly, scary and that he gives them the creeps. They are the only ones who have a problem with him. I have never had anyone treat me the way he does - he treats me like I'm a princess. I hated being in this situation, I was in it with my children's father.

My family doesn't like anyone when it comes to me, and no matter what I do is never good enough for my mother. My boyfriend said that he doesn't care what they think because he's here for me not for them. I just don't want to have to juggle them and then when we are together I don't want him to feel awkward, but he is apart of me. They never gave him a chance so is there anything I can do? -- Disappointed Dede

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Disappointed Dede--

I am really sorry to hear your family hates your boyfriend, but he is right, the only thing that matters is that you like him. Being treated with respect and love is the most important part of a relationship and it sounds as though you truly care for this man. With that said, the fact that your family doesn't think anyone is good enough for you makes me think you have been mistreated in the past. Being overly cautious is sometimes important, but name calling and assuming the worst out of someone just doesn't seem fair.

Talk to your mom and tell her how upsetting it is for you not to have her support. Explain to her how well he treats you and how much it would mean to you if she were to at least give him a fair shot. Try to come up with activities you all have in common or events you can attend together so everyone can get to know each other better.

If your family is still opposed to warming up to your boyfriend, you're unfortunately going to have to accept their decision. Of course it will be awkward, but you need to follow your heart - if you feel a special connection with this man, you need to do what's best for you and your children, not your mother. Hopefully in time they will learn to see all the great things you see. Good luck.

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Join The Conversation
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 8 years
You know what girl I kinda had the same problem My mom hated my boyfriend for some odd reason I never really understood it. Hes a great guy he does alot 4 me so you know out of respect and equality I did alot 4 him. My mom always said that was wrong to do like if we ate out I didn't mind paying for the meal but no my mom said you shouldn't do that hes just using you. That wasn't true and still isn't. Parents act like they know what to do in a realationship and everything else but I think its better to learn on your own. I've been with my BF for a year in a half now were still good but my moms still not sure bout him so I really don't know if you can ever get your parents to like him. I mean my moms starting to like him more but honestly I think its just an act to make me happy, but good luck I hope something works for you if not just do what i'm doing not giving a shit what my mom thinks of him because I know hes a good guy and I love him!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
What should matter is your childrens view of him, Is he taking too much of your time from them? Plus i cannot believe your family told you he was Ugly!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
What should matter is your childrens view of him, Is he taking too much of your time from them? Plus i cannot believe your family told you he was Ugly!
Marci Marci 8 years
You can't force anyone to like anyone. But you CAN make it clear to your family that putting your boyfriend down to you is not acceptable and not on the table for discussion. Don't have the conversation, make your statement and then leave or end the phone call. They'll get the message.
thexxnewxromance thexxnewxromance 8 years
you're family should be happy as long as you're happy. they probably don't think that anyone is good enough to date their daughter. Maybe if you guys do some things together as a family, they can see how good he treats you and they will start to like him. And maybe if not like him, then at least be ok with him.
mlen mlen 8 years
as KerryG said- scary and creepy set off warning bells. ugly and too young however do not. so its really up to you to talk to your family and find out why. does he remind them of your ex and they know that turned out badly? have they spent any real time with him? while its true that you are the one who needs to like him, it does help if the family does. how about your friends- do they like him? maybe they can be a bit less biased and give a better opinion. if they find him creepy too you might want to take a closer look. if they think he's a great guy and treats you well then you might want to tell your family they have to accept your relationships for what they are.
tiffsniff tiffsniff 8 years
You said that they were that way with your kids' dad, and he's no longer in the picture. Were they right about him? If so, it's worth digging a little deeper to see why they're worried about the new guy. They may just be paranoid because you've been hurt before, or they may see something you don't. In the end, though, you can't do anything to force them to like him. I would say to just take it slow and let them get to know him. Eventually, if he's wonderful to you and sticks around, they will see that and like him for that. Good luck!
tiffsniff tiffsniff 8 years
You said that they were that way with your kids' dad, and he's no longer in the picture. Were they right about him? If so, it's worth digging a little deeper to see why they're worried about the new guy. They may just be paranoid because you've been hurt before, or they may see something you don't.In the end, though, you can't do anything to force them to like him. I would say to just take it slow and let them get to know him. Eventually, if he's wonderful to you and sticks around, they will see that and like him for that. Good luck!
DaughterWar DaughterWar 8 years
If your kids like them, that, for example, should be something your fam needs to get a clue from. If they see that their mom is happy, then that makes them happy, therefore, it should make everyone happy.
trendyindc trendyindc 8 years
I agree with KerryG. If they just don't like him that's one thing, but the fact that they are saying he is creepy and scary gives me concern. Have you considered maybe they are worried on behalf of your small children? As awful as it sounds you should discuss their fears with them to see if its another case of oh we don't like him or if there's something else there.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
Would they rather you find a gorgeous man who will treat you like crap? the only thing that should matter is he treats you right! tell your family how amazing he treats you and that they should be the ones who grow up and stop being so superficial and judgmental. I don't know why he would give your family the creeps.
designerel designerel 8 years
Sounds like your family is just being overly picky because they want what they believe is best for you. My parents have never liked ANYONE I've dated, and they've never liked anyone my brother dated either, so it's not just me. I know they mean well, but it really gets to be very discouraging. You will just have to sit them down and tell them that this man is the one for you and makes you really happy, and maybe get them together in a non-threatening setting, like a backyard BBQ or something. Good luck.
KerryG KerryG 8 years
I do agree that the only truely important thing is that you love him, but I also think it's important to try and sit down with your family and have a serious conversation about WHY they don't like him. Calling him "scary" and saying he "gives them the creeps" sets off my warning bells a bit, even though you claim he treats you "like a princess." A lot of abusive men are outwardly perfect gentlemen... until something happens to set them off. Especially if you have a history of bad relationships, you can't blame your family for being protective of you. Sometimes families do take this too far, in which case you need to ask them (nicely) to back off, but if they truly do have legitimate concerns about your boyfriend, you owe it to them and yourself to hear them out.
Jinx Jinx 8 years
You can't make your family like him. But I can't understand why they don't, if he's so good to you. Good Luck.
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