My boyfriend of several years recently confessed that he wished I was (and I quote) "more feminine". I'm so confused! I have been trying to figure out what he means by this. Does he wish I wore more skirts/dresses? Does he wish my hair was longer? Does he want me to be less outspoken? I’m not planning on changing myself for him, I just want some ideas as to what men view as “feminine”. --Tomboy Tory
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Dear Tomboy Tory--
You say you have been with your boyfriend for years, did this request come out of left field? Has he ever mentioned anything like this before? Relationships are all about give and take, and while I am glad to hear you're not going to compromise who you are for your boyfriend, I think it is fair to get a clear understanding of what he feels is lacking in the femininity department.
Women who have short hair and don't dress all that girly can still be incredibly sexy and feminine, Kirsten Dunst and Selma Blair anyone?? Don't let him make you second guess yourself. All men are different and view femininity differently -- some men enjoy high maintenance women who are always primping and getting dolled up while other men find easy going women who wear minimal make up and casual clothing to be a breath of fresh air.
All in all, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin and in your relationship. You need to feel attractive and desired by your boyfriend, so talk to each other, work together to find an even ground and a comfortable place for both of you. If you are experiencing a lull in your sex life, so maybe surprise him one night after work -- get all dressed up in his favorite outfit and heels and see if that helps!