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You Asked: How Can I Open My Heart Again?

Dear Sugar,

I've been separated from my husband of 11 years for nine months. In the new year I started dabbling with dating. I met with few men for coffee, drinks, and dinner, but none took my fancy until now. We met online and chatted for a month before we actually met up face to face. It's been four and a half months, but I'm scared of getting into anything serious. I do desire to have someone in my life again and I'm not actively dating other men, so what's the matter with me? How can I open my heart again? — Back on the Market Mary

To see DearSugar's answer,

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Dear Back on the Market Mary,

Dating again after being off the market for so long isn't easy, but the more you put yourself out there, the easier it will become. Since you like this guy and do have a desire to be someone again, I think you should just take baby steps instead of diving into this relationship headfirst. Fear is a perfectly normal reaction, but if you open up to this man and tell him how you're feeling, I'm sure he'll be patient with you. Trusting someone with your heart isn't an easy thing to do, but if you trust in yourself, I think it'll just be a matter of time before you find true happiness again. Good luck to you.

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Join The Conversation
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
Trust your instincts, maybe he is just not the right person for you or you are not ready to get serious with anyone yet. That is ok. Have fun and don't force it if it doesn't feel natural. Good luck.
hope2be hope2be 6 years
Agree that time heals all wounds. Take your time healing yourself and finish the divorce process if you've not, so that you can really move on. Getting into therapy may help too. :)
dm8bri dm8bri 6 years
Time heals all wounds. Telling this guy that you need to go slow will be a good test of his character. And I agree with other posters that your marriage needs to reach a conclusion before you do anything serious.
margokhal margokhal 6 years
Once you resolve your relationship with your husband, whether that be divorce or reconciliation, I think you'll have a better understanding of your feelings. Not being legally or emotionally bound to your husband anymore will free you of whatever closed-offness you're feeling now. Until you do whatever you're going to do with your marriage, I wouldn't get involved with anyone seriously. Don't carry that drama over to another relationship.
margokhal margokhal 6 years
Once you resolve your relationship with your husband, whether that be divorce or reconciliation, I think you'll have a better understanding of your feelings. Not being legally or emotionally bound to your husband anymore will free you of whatever closed-offness you're feeling now. Until you do whatever you're going to do with your marriage, I wouldn't get involved with anyone seriously. Don't carry that drama over to another relationship.
Spectra Spectra 6 years
It can be hard to go back to dating when you've been with one person for so long. It's like starting over completely and that can definitely be overwhelming. I would let your dates know that you do want to pursue intimacy at some point, but that you aren't 100% comfortable with rushing into things very quickly. Any decent guy will be very understanding and eventually you'll find someone that you can feel safe and comfortable with.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
So are you trying to work on your marriage? If So then you dont need to be dating, If not then close that chapter and move on with your life dating or whatever.
sprinkibrio sprinkibrio 6 years
Convince yourself that there isn't any point in dating if you can't trust, and convince yourself that trust is a choice.
GScott86 GScott86 6 years
If you're not...shouldn't you just finish up with your current relationship...you know divorcing and all? It doesn't seem like you're over your old relationship/over your husband completely yet. But if you are, there's no need to rush anything until you feel like you're totally ready. Just be honest. I guys don't like women being shady with them (and I'm sure the same is true the other way around).
Hiding55 Hiding55 6 years
Tell your new guy that you want to take it slow and if he pressures you or reacts poorly move on. No need to rush into a new relationship so quickly.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
i don't entirely get what the question is just explain to this guy your situation, let him know you're surprised to be feeling the connection the way you do, and take it slow....spend time together, have fun, and enjoy companionship, and relish in the first wonderful moments of a new relationship. you don't have to move in together or anything.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
i don't entirely get what the question isjust explain to this guy your situation, let him know you're surprised to be feeling the connection the way you do, and take it slow....spend time together, have fun, and enjoy companionship, and relish in the first wonderful moments of a new relationship. you don't have to move in together or anything.
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