I married a wonderful man two years ago. He never gives me a reason to not trust him but I grew up in a society where husbands cheating on their wives is a given. My husband and I have always had a great relationship, but nowadays I see our marriage falling apart because even though I know he would never cheat on me, I keep thinking he will. Today we once again had the same fight we always do, about my trust issues, and lately we've been fighting about twice a week.
Today was the first time he told me that I'm starting to scare him away and that he could see himself being single again in a few years. That broke my heart because I know it's my fault. I need help — I don't know how to stop this paranoia, and above all, I don't want to lose my husband. He's a good man and loves me dearly. All I want in life is to make him happy but in my attempt, all I'm doing is pushing him away. Do you think we still have a chance to save our marriage? — Paranoid Paula
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Dear Paranoid Paula,
Since you're accustomed to men cheating, it's no wonder you're paranoid about your marriage — who wouldn't be? But with that said, if you don't come to terms with your fears, he's right, you're going to push him away, and possibly for good. Communication is key in any relationship so open up to your husband and express your concerns. Let him know how much you love him and want to trust him, but you're just having a hard time accepting the fact that he's different from what you're accustomed.
Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop is going to make you both crazy so if I were you, I'd talk to a therapist about your anxiety ASAP. Taking your husband with you for a few sessions might not be a bad idea either. Talking through your fears will help you put everything into perspective and certainly help you feel more at ease. Keep the lines of communication as open as possible with your husband and hopefully with a little faith and a lot of trust, your marriage will survive. Good luck to you.