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You Asked: How Can We Compromise?

Dear Sugar,

I've been living with my boyfriend for the past year in a very nice apartment with all the amenities a young couple would want — washer and dryer in the unit, a 24 hour gym in the building, a mile long grass area to walk our dogs, etc. Now that the lease is up, we are leaving because the rent went up to the point of ridiculousness. As we move into a posh apartment complex, we are faced with some challenges we didn't have before that are creating some stress in our relationship.

We love the new potential complex, but we can't agree on a floor plan. He wants the smaller expensive one, but I want the bigger, cheaper one. He wants the garage spot, TVs mounted on the wall, and the smaller intimate bedroom. I want the bigger bedroom, walk-in closet, a place for a decent full length mirror, and less rent because I just got a new puppy. I find this to be a stupid fight yet I don't want to give in and be unhappy with what I have to work with. Help! — Don't Want to Compromise Corinne

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Don't Want to Compromise Corinne,

While I don't think you should compromise when it comes to your home either, I do feel that in order to make two people happy, you're both going to have to compromise to some degree. So this "stupid fight" doesn't negatively affect your relationship, I suggest you both put together a pro and con list. Write out what's important to you, in order, and after you read each other's requirements, consolidate your needs to create a list that works for you as a couple. If you have aversions to each other's requests, simply talk it out — find out why that specific desire is important to him, and make your plea for whatever it is you want out of the apartment — and do your best to find a middle ground.

In a perfect world, you'd agree on everything, but that's simply not reality so try to keep everything relative. Relationships require give and take, as does cohabitation, so be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck to you!

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toujours2 toujours2 7 years
What I don't understand is why your boyfriend wants the more expensive apartment - especially since it'd give you less space. But I guess, the pros and cons list would tell you that too..
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
I would look for somewhere different to live? Why would you live in an apartment complex with a puppy anyway??
bchicgrl bchicgrl 7 years
same here jazzy, my fiance doesn't care where we live and how big the apt is, it's up to me which makes it nice ha-ha. What I don't understand is if he wants the more expensive one and is able to pay the extra why don't you both just stay where you are at now even with the rent hike. you both like your current place and if it seems like he can afford it.
jazzybelle jazzybelle 7 years
You could try to each pick one thing that you CAN'T live without, then sit down and explain the facts about each other thing to determine together what suits both of your needs! I'm lucky...my man lets me make all the decisions about our home, lol! And, I agree that if he wants the more expensive one, maybe he should pitch in the difference!
0fashionqueen 0fashionqueen 7 years
I agree with you on the floor plan, but you also have to consider that guys do not need a lot a space.
dm8bri dm8bri 7 years
Brittb7 took my idea. If your boyfriend is dead-set on the more expensive place and is aware of your financial restrictions, see if he's willing to pony up the difference, or at least pitch in on extra storage materials.
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 7 years
I really like brittb7's suggestion. :)
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 7 years
no matter what, you will have to negoiate something. you can't assume that you are always going to get your way in a relationship - because then you will find you will not be in one! I agree with both above posters, whichever appeals more to you go with it.
bikinib7 bikinib7 7 years
I don't know if this is out of the question, but perhaps suggest that you have more costs now (because of your puppy) and that if your boyfriend insists on the more expensive apartment, he could pay the difference. You could pay what your half would be in the apartment you want and he can pick up what the difference would be. If cost is the major issue for you, that is.
bikinib7 bikinib7 7 years
I don't know if this is out of the question, but perhaps suggest that you have more costs now (because of your puppy) and that if your boyfriend insists on the more expensive apartment, he could pay the difference. You could pay what your half would be in the apartment you want and he can pick up what the difference would be. If cost is the major issue for you, that is.
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 7 years
I like the idea of a pros and cons list -- I would suggest coming up with alternatives to each situation. for example, if you go with your boyfriend's choice floor plan, suggest creating a specific area for your dog or buying a stand-up wardrobe instead of a walk-in closet -- you can't find a common ground as far as architecture goes, but you can figure out what your real wants/needs are and make those happen with either layout
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