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You Asked: How Can You Tell?

Hello DearSugar Readers --

I received an email last week and have been thinking long and hard about how to respond. I've decided this isn't something for me to answer alone, and I'd like to ask all of you to offer your opinion and advice about this rather universal and eternal question. I imagine we'll have a kind of community encyclopedia when we're done, and perhaps this young woman will have herself a roadmap, too. Maybe poll your girl friends, guy friends and your partner, or ask them to comment, too. The dream is to make this as comprehensive and detailed as possible! And thank you in advance, and as ever, for your passionate engagement!


Warmly,
DearSugar

To see our reader's question,

DearSugar --

How do you know if a boy likes you? Thank you. ~ Mystified Maria

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popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I think the cues change according to how old you are. In high school, a guy probably likes you if he teases you mercilessly and is even sometimes mean to you! All the guys who were like that to me in HS later confessed they liked me. Go figure...In college, a guy likes you if he asks to study together or sits next to you in class, or drunk dials you at 2 in the morning...Now, for me, it's the easiest to tell. Guys seem to have grown up at least a little and I feel like they'll just ask you out if they like you. How's that for a breakthrough?
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I think the cues change according to how old you are. In high school, a guy probably likes you if he teases you mercilessly and is even sometimes mean to you! All the guys who were like that to me in HS later confessed they liked me. Go figure... In college, a guy likes you if he asks to study together or sits next to you in class, or drunk dials you at 2 in the morning... Now, for me, it's the easiest to tell. Guys seem to have grown up at least a little and I feel like they'll just ask you out if they like you. How's that for a breakthrough?
SparklinSeahorSe SparklinSeahorSe 8 years
that is such a hard question because it honestly depends on the guy. some guys are straight-forward and will ask questions like "so, do you have a boyfriend?" or they'll be very touchy-feely with you. this girl i know has a theory. if she's in a group setting, she'll sit next to the guy she's interested in and scoot over just enough so that their legs are slightly touching (like upper thigh against upper thigh). if he moves his leg away from yours, it means he probably just feels you're a friend and will give you your personal space. but if he's interested in you as more than that, he probably won't move away! some guys are shy. i agree with the advice above. but remember, some guys flirt just for the fun of it and they don't even realize they're doing it!
SparklinSeahorSe SparklinSeahorSe 8 years
that is such a hard question because it honestly depends on the guy.some guys are straight-forward and will ask questions like "so, do you have a boyfriend?" or they'll be very touchy-feely with you.this girl i know has a theory. if she's in a group setting, she'll sit next to the guy she's interested in and scoot over just enough so that their legs are slightly touching (like upper thigh against upper thigh). if he moves his leg away from yours, it means he probably just feels you're a friend and will give you your personal space. but if he's interested in you as more than that, he probably won't move away!some guys are shy. i agree with the advice above. but remember, some guys flirt just for the fun of it and they don't even realize they're doing it!
a-gentle-rain a-gentle-rain 8 years
haha that is something i wish i knew. i thought i had mastered figuring it out, but just last saturday i asked a guy out (for the first time ever!) and he turned me down. nicely, saying we lived too far away and we'd probably never see each other again, but it was still a no.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
likes or is truely INTERESTED enough in you to make it worth your while? there is a difference and to me the first is a fun flirtation and not to be taken seriously. the second is much more involved and meaningful. when he takes "control" so to speak of the situation and does the asking and inviting and calling and such that is the second type. in these situations you need only to make yourself available when he extends an invitation. that does not mean sitting around waiting, just that you take the calls when you are there. if he is really INTERESTED that will be enough for him because he will enjoy a bit of a challenge.
Marci Marci 8 years
Ahh.......how many times have I asked that question in my life? I agree with everything the other girls have said. They pay extra attention to you, smile a lot, get nervous around you, sometimes they ignore you when they used to be friendly - it all depends on the boy. grl in the world gives good advice to keep it casual at first. Good Luck! I hope the boy you're wondering about lets you know somehow that he *does* like you. It's very exciting!
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 8 years
That's a sweet question we have all wondered about at some point! I think if he seems interested in how you spend your time (your hobbies, etc), or if he tries to impress you, then he probably likes you. Guys can be shy and afraid of rejection, so they often wont come right out and ask you on a date. They want to make sure that by they get up the nerve to ask you out they can be sure your answer will be yes. So if you have a guy paying extra attention to you and you think he's cute, ask him if he wants to go out for pizza, or go see a movie with you. Keep it casual, so that he doesn't have to be nervous about a "date" so it's more of a friend thing at first, instead of a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing. Say something like "Have you heard the new movie________ is out now? I was thinking about seeing it this weekend, you should come too if you don't have any plans".
Trixie6 Trixie6 8 years
My bff says it's the 'cookie theory'. A guy who likes you will find out your favorite type of cookie and bring you some.
Bonne Bonne 8 years
Also, it's dependant on body language too. When he's talking to you, does his shoulders lean towards you? Does he fidget, or move around alot? Does he find every excuse to touch you? While standing at a distance, he passes you a smile but when you are near, he doesn't look up. He looks at you at frequent intervals, but when you look back, he takes his eyes off you. If he complements you by saying that you smell good
SU3 SU3 8 years
I agree with GreenSkittlesGal -- I think it's really about the way he listens and when he remembers the little little details... I think it's also about him showing interest in all the things that you do and the things you like
KayFritz KayFritz 8 years
They way he smiles at you from across the room, and get nervous when he's near you...
GreenSkittlesGal GreenSkittlesGal 8 years
He listens. He remembers things you say, even seemingly unimportant details.
andaman andaman 8 years
He called you and pretends he didn't or tells you it was a mistake. I did that myself, ha ha ha!
andaman andaman 8 years
He offers to help you frequently with everything. He always tries to make you laugh. You catch him looking at you often. The list goes on....
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