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You Asked: How Do I Avoid the Questions?

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I are currently having some relationship problems. We have been together for eight years and have never had any rough spots like this. It's to the point that we have completely stopped planning our wedding and are telling people it's because we can't afford it (we did just buy a house together). We are currently in couples counseling to work through this rough patch but my question is, how should I handle all the inquiries from family?

We have decided not to talk about our problems with our parents, as they have a history of getting too involved. Even with the completely plausible excuse of money, I am continually getting asked about how we are doing and being told that folks "have a bad feeling about us." How should I handle these questions? They make me anxious and escalate my already on-edge feelings. —On Edge Emily

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear On Edge Emily —

I am sorry you've hit a rough patch in your relationship, but it sounds as though you're taking the right steps to work through what's bothering you two. I also think it's smart of you to leave your parents out of it, especially if they tend to get too involved. Since you've put your planning on hold, it's no wonder you're getting questioned by your friends and family, but at the end of the day, what's going on between you and your fiancé is between you and your fiancé — no one else.

Being anxious and on edge is a terrible feeling, so while it sounds like you want to keep the status of your relationship under wraps, you might want to consider opening up to a close friend or family member so that you can get some of this weight off your shoulders. If you have your heart set on keeping mum, simply tell all your inquiring friends that you're working out some kinks, and thank them for their concern. People can be very nosy, especially when they sense trouble in paradise, so while it's certainly irritating that people are talking about you, try your hardest to ignore everyone's chatter and keep your focus on working things out with your fiancé. Good luck to you.

Source

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msame msame 8 years
vegas
msame msame 8 years
vegas
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 8 years
I suppose the trick is keeping cool and not flying off your handle when people are constantly asking about it. I agree with leaving out the "working out some kinks" part... maybe you could substitute that with "there's a lot going on in my life" or something that doesn't give too much for other people to work from (rumor-wise).
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
XD DON'T say you are "working out some kinks" because the rumour mill will begin to turn at full speed the best way is to give a generic statement that tells them absolutely nothing like "everything is fine, thanks for asking" or "we will let you know of the date as soon as it is set" or the ones mentioned above.. and people like to pretend that they are know-it-alls so as hard as it is, just don't pay attention. I used to see this lady at work every few months and every single time she would look at my engagement ring, tisk and say "So, still not married huh?" and them she would give me this deep look of concern and sigh and say that that's not a good sign... people just loooove to stick their nose into other people's business
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
XD DON'T say you are "working out some kinks" because the rumour mill will begin to turn at full speedthe best way is to give a generic statement that tells them absolutely nothing like "everything is fine, thanks for asking" or "we will let you know of the date as soon as it is set" or the ones mentioned above..and people like to pretend that they are know-it-alls so as hard as it is, just don't pay attention. I used to see this lady at work every few months and every single time she would look at my engagement ring, tisk and say "So, still not married huh?" and them she would give me this deep look of concern and sigh and say that that's not a good sign... people just loooove to stick their nose into other people's business
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 8 years
F them. I swear I can't stand people. I work with some of the rudest and most ignorant people. They will say and ask just about ANYTHING. It amazes me the things that people think that it is their place to ask about. Ignore them. Tell them that you have a bad feeling about THEM, smile and walk away. OR you can just say, "Don't worry everything is fine, we'll let you know when we decide on a date." and walk away.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 8 years
F them. I swear I can't stand people. I work with some of the rudest and most ignorant people. They will say and ask just about ANYTHING. It amazes me the things that people think that it is their place to ask about. Ignore them. Tell them that you have a bad feeling about THEM, smile and walk away. OR you can just say, "Don't worry everything is fine, we'll let you know when we decide on a date." and walk away.
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
People shouldn't ask questions like that, but they invariably do so its a good idea to think of a stock answer. Maybe something like...Thanks for worrying about us, but we're working out the right schedule for us. When we set that date, you'll be the first to know!
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
People shouldn't ask questions like that, but they invariably do so its a good idea to think of a stock answer. Maybe something like...<em>Thanks for worrying about us, but we're working out the right schedule for <strong>us</strong>. When we set that date, you'll be the first to know!</em>
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
It's really no one's business. I say just give a blanket statement because they aren't entitled to know the complete ins and outs of your relationship.
Eternity Eternity 8 years
"Thank you for your concern, I am sincerely flattered that you care enough to check up on us. Things are actually going very well. We have decided to postpone the wedding until a time when everything is aligned to make it absolutely perfect. Besides, what's the hurry?" 1. Marriage is an act between two people, not mother in laws 2. Who cares what bad feelings other people have about you. They need a life. 3. Things are going very well if you two are in counseling. That says the most profound thing, you love each other. Keep that in mind every time you wake up. While a third person will help, only your conscious decision to love each other (and believe in the vows you were about to take) will make a difference.
Eternity Eternity 8 years
"Thank you for your concern, I am sincerely flattered that you care enough to check up on us. Things are actually going very well. We have decided to postpone the wedding until a time when everything is aligned to make it absolutely perfect. Besides, what's the hurry?"1. Marriage is an act between two people, not mother in laws2. Who cares what bad feelings other people have about you. They need a life.3. Things are going very well if you two are in counseling. That says the most profound thing, you love each other. Keep that in mind every time you wake up. While a third person will help, only your conscious decision to love each other (and believe in the vows you were about to take) will make a difference.
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