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You Asked: How Do I Avoid the Questions?


Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I are currently having some relationship problems. We have been together for eight years and have never had any rough spots like this. It's to the point that we have completely stopped planning our wedding and are telling people it's because we can't afford it (we did just buy a house together). We are currently in couples counseling to work through this rough patch but my question is, how should I handle all the inquiries from family?

We have decided not to talk about our problems with our parents, as they have a history of getting too involved. Even with the completely plausible excuse of money, I am continually getting asked about how we are doing and being told that folks "have a bad feeling about us." How should I handle these questions? They make me anxious and escalate my already on-edge feelings. —On Edge Emily

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Dear On Edge Emily —

I am sorry you've hit a rough patch in your relationship, but it sounds as though you're taking the right steps to work through what's bothering you two. I also think it's smart of you to leave your parents out of it, especially if they tend to get too involved. Since you've put your planning on hold, it's no wonder you're getting questioned by your friends and family, but at the end of the day, what's going on between you and your fiancé is between you and your fiancé — no one else.

Being anxious and on edge is a terrible feeling, so while it sounds like you want to keep the status of your relationship under wraps, you might want to consider opening up to a close friend or family member so that you can get some of this weight off your shoulders. If you have your heart set on keeping mum, simply tell all your inquiring friends that you're working out some kinks, and thank them for their concern. People can be very nosy, especially when they sense trouble in paradise, so while it's certainly irritating that people are talking about you, try your hardest to ignore everyone's chatter and keep your focus on working things out with your fiancé. Good luck to you.

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