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You Asked: How Do I Bring Up His Porn Habit?


Dear Sugar,

Recently my own computer broke, so I started using my husband's. Since then, I've noticed that he constantly deletes his site history before I use it again. I know that he's looked at pornography before, and I can only assume that he's just trying to hide it. Although I know watching porn online is common, it's not something I feel too great about. But truthfully, I think what's bothering me more than anything else is how secretive he's being about it. I wish we could honestly and openly discuss this, but I wouldn't even know how to bring it up. Should I just deal with it or try talk to him? How should I start that conversation?

— Let's Talk About Porn Pam

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Dear Let's Talk About Porn Pam,

Whether or not you're comfortable with it, porn appears to be part of your husband's life, so I definitely think talking about it with him is a good idea. Otherwise this could be something always lurking underneath your relationship when it really shouldn't be. It sounds like your husband is trying to hide this because he's either ashamed or worried that you'll be mad at him. While it's certainly not a very comfortable topic of conversation to bring up, I think once it's out in the open, both of you will feel a lot better about it.

Next time you're alone with him, mention that you've noticed that he's been deleting his Internet history. Make sure he understands that you're not attacking him or judging him but that you just want there to be more communication around this particular subject. Instead of approaching it from a fearful standpoint, try coming from a place of curiosity and interest in what turns your husband on and satisfies his needs. Once he knows that it's a safe place to discuss this, it's likely that he'll open up to you on his own.

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