I met a guy who was coming out of a five-year relationship with a girl who was his first love. He even asked her to marry him, but she said no. He was a mess, and I was the friend, then the friend-with-benefits, then the more-than-friends, and then his new girlfriend.
In the beginning of our relationship, I found out he lied to me (a lot). He would still call the ex, see her, and frankly I know he was still in love with her. I didn't learn even after fighting, making up, breaking up, jealousy, then resentment, and hurting each other purposely. We fought a lot, but we really loved each other, so we remained together.
Recently, he moved back home, which is in another country, and he told his family he wanted to marry me. We had major trust issues, and things were hard due to the major time change. Plus I felt like he was changing into someone else, and basically everything “bad” from our relationship hit me at once and I broke up with him.
Those around me who have seen me cry about him and see that we weren't compatible keep telling me it'll get easier and that it was the right decision. I know they're right. It wasn’t fair for the both of us to continue in such an unhealthy relationship, but I'm having the hardest time getting over this. I've literally blocked him out of my life, and I don't pick up his phone calls or reply to his emails, but I can't stop thinking I made the wrong decision, and I miss him so much. How do I stop hurting and feeling so bitter? How do I snap out of it?
—Depressed and Lonely Lenore
To see Dear Sugar's answer
Dear Depressed and Lonely Lenore,
My heart goes out to you, because I know how hurt and alone you are feeling. Everyone feels this horrible after a breakup, and everyone questions if it was the right decision. You did make the right decision, and it's going to take some time for your heart to heal. Cutting off contact with him was an excellent move on your part, because it will allow your mind the space it needs to forget about him.
You shouldn't have to go through this on your own either. Every time you feel really low and have the urge to talk to him, call your best friend. He or she can lift your spirits and remind you that you are a beautiful human being who deserves to be in a loving relationship. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your friend, you could write down your thoughts in a journal. Just don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Letting them out will validate them and make you feel much better.
Take this time to do things that make you feel happy and good about yourself. When I'm going through a breakup, I like to go to the gym to work through my emotions, but maybe you'd prefer shopping, baking, or spending time with your family. Do things that take your mind off of him, and with time, you'll be ready to open your heart to someone new.