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You Asked: How Do I Get Him Back?


Dear Sugar,

I spent four months dating a really great guy. We broke up five months ago when he decided it was too hard, which it was. He works full time and goes to school. I also work full time, but my schedule changes every week. During the relationship. I did the same thing I've been doing all my life, and took the blame for everything that went wrong. It bothered him that I never shared my opinions because I've been programmed to feel that my opinion isn't worth much.

Recently I have been trying to stay away from him (to give him space) and started going to therapy for my low self-esteem. What else can I do to show him that he really does matter to me, and that we can both be happy? He never lied to me or failed to be there when I needed him for something. He's worth the work I'd have to put into the relationship. He's better then what I could possibly deserve even with his own imperfections. How can I get him back?

— Want Him Back Becca

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear Want Him Back Becca,

It's great to hear that you're trying to work on your self-esteem and insecurities, but it still sounds like your expending more energy trying to get your ex back than figuring out how to make yourself happy without him. If one of the biggest obstacles in your relationship was your lack of self-confidence, by working hard to retrain your mind and grow your confidence, you will naturally open up yourself to a relationship (perhaps with someone who's schedule is more in tune with your own.)

Breakups are incredibly difficult, and letting go of someone that you feel close to hurts, but I recommend doing whatever you can to let your ex take a back seat while you continue to work on believing in yourself and building your self-esteem. Once you've given yourself time to heal and some space to grow, re-examine your past relationship and then decide if it's really something you want to pursue again. By that time, you'll likely have the confidence and spirit you need to easily start a new relationship if need be. Good luck to you.

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