I was dating this guy for four years who I was madly in love with. The only problem was that I always felt that he was slightly out of my grasp and that I never really had him. He was always late to pick me up and it always seemed like he preferred hanging out with his friends more than spending time with me. We broke up over the Summer, but I'm having such a hard time getting over him. I want to hear from him and see him because I love him so much. He still calls me and I pick up knowing that I shouldn't, always wishing that he wants to get back together again. He says he loves me but he doesn't want a relationship right now. It's really hurting me and I know it's my own fault for allowing it to happen. How do you get over someone who doesn't want you anymore?
—Full of Sorrow Sally
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Dear Full of Sorrow Sally,
Break ups are the worst, and I know you loved this guy, but as you said before, he didn't treat you how you deserve to be treated. It sounds as though he was never fully committed to you. Try to recall all the times you felt disrespected when he was late to pick you up, and how hurt you felt when you knew he'd rather be with his friends instead of being with you. Harness those feelings the next time the phone rings. Answer it and be strong. Say that you don't want him calling you anymore. If you can't say those words, than just don't pick up the phone. Don't give him the luxury of having you in his life whenever he feels like it. Pushing him away is the best way to get over him. You know that old saying, "out of sight out of mind?" It works. It will take time, of course, but you need space from him in order to let your heart heal.
Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who's totally in love with you, who wants to spend their time with you, someone who loves you for who you are. Get this old boyfriend out of your life so you can make room for a deeper and more satisfying relationship. Good luck.