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You Asked: How Do I Make a Clean Break?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of about a year and a half and I broke up in December. We had a good relationship, but we were not without our problems. One major issue was that he had a child and a lot of baggage with the child's mother, specifically that he was not involved enough in his kid's life. After a lot of ups and downs centering around that issue, among others, I finally decided to end things with him. I felt that at some point, he would break up with me to be with them, and I didn't want to hang around and wait for that to happen. About two weeks after we broke up, they got back together and got engaged.

The problem is that he is still telling me that he loves me, but he claims that he is "doing what he has to do." We still have this amazing connection, and I still love him. Things have escalated, and we are basically having an affair. I know that he is never going to leave his fiancée because he wants a family for his child, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to end my relationship with him and this affair once and for all. Please help!

— Need to Get Out Natasha

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Need to Get Out Natasha,

First of all, while I don't doubt your connection with each other, I'm a bit skeptical of your ex. It doesn't sound like he's ready for a mature relationship if he left you only to get engaged two weeks later, all the while carrying on an affair with you while he's supposed to be committed to starting his family.

It's obvious that he's not going to be the one to end things, so you need to be brave and put an end to this relationship before you end up getting even more hurt than you already are. Explain to him that what you guys are doing just isn't right, and be firm when you ask him not to contact you anymore. He's getting away with having his cake and eating it too, so you have to stop enabling him to have the best of both worlds. You deserve to be with someone who only has eyes for you, so the sooner you move on from this situation, the sooner you'll be able to find someone who is deserving of your love and vice versa. Good luck.


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