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You Asked: How Do I Move On?

Dear Sugar,

I have a big problem of letting go of my ex. What kills me is after our break up, he has constantly had other girlfriends and I have had no boyfriends. Its not that I don't want to date, I just haven't met anyone I really like which leads me to the hurt and confusion of how quickly and easily he has moved on. It's been about eight months since our break up and when we first separated, it was with the intention of getting back together (he felt that he needed to sow his wild oats before taking the next step with me) but that never happened and I'm clearly still not over him. What do I do? How can I move on like he has? — Still in Love Laura

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Still in Love Laura,

I am sorry you are hurting right now. Everyone's heart heals at a different pace so try not to be so hard on yourself for taking a little bit more time than he has. Sure, your ex has moved on, but since he's had multiple girlfriends in eight months, they are clearly just filling a void. It sounds like you held out hope when you were on your break even though he clearly had no intention of getting back together like he promised so it's time to put this relationship behind you once and for all.

Get yourself out there again, Laura. You don't need to meet Mr. Right, but you do need to get off your couch and start having fun. Go out with your girlfriends, see a movie, go shopping, exercise — do anything to keep your mind off your ex. Unfortunately there's no formula for finding a boyfriend — like E. Jean said, it's just a numbers game so place yourself where there are high numbers of men with similar interests as you, keep an open mind and most importantly, have fun! Good luck to you.

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Join The Conversation
sillybee sillybee 8 years
oh my u in the same position i was like 2.5yrs..i have been single for that long at times is weird b/c i want to have someone who cares about me n shows me love...i cant really give u an advice b/c am single n i have dated but i dont find myself happy at the long run. plus all the guys ive meet are not worth my time or energy. so the only thing i can say is that u have to wait only time will bring someone special n worth it. but dont get to stress out u can definately make it through this i did n am still copin so u can too.
mel2234 mel2234 8 years
You need to just totally forget this loser. You should focus on making yourself happy! Go out and have fun, don't even worry about trying to find someone. The right guy for you will show up when you stop looking, I know that sounds cliche but it is true!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
well...I'll keep it simple....HE LIED! Most likely, it was never his intention to get back together and he didn't know how to break up with you properly so to be "nice" he broke up with "hope". Not a good thing to do...really. Get your confidence back and don't give that lying b@stard another look. Somebody BETTER is out ther for you...it just doesn't have to be now.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
well...I'll keep it simple....HE LIED!Most likely, it was never his intention to get back together and he didn't know how to break up with you properly so to be "nice" he broke up with "hope". Not a good thing to do...really.Get your confidence back and don't give that lying b@stard another look. Somebody BETTER is out ther for you...it just doesn't have to be now.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I think you should be proud that your feelings were deep and haven't disappeared yet (after all, it hasn't been that long, you don't just get over people you love in the blink of an eye!), and he's the lousy one whose heart is shallow if he can date that much that fast. It's not a reflection on you but on him and his capacity at giving himself entirely (or lack thereof!). And yes, do go out and find hobbies and activities that you like - build your life, your self-esteem, your calendar, and you'll see how he'll fade away in the background little by little. Don't worry - it always feels hopeless; AND IT NEVER IS! You'll be fine and receive a ton of love in your life, especially because you seem like a person who is full of beautiful things to give; so it will come. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Good luck!
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I think you should be proud that your feelings were deep and haven't disappeared yet (after all, it hasn't been that long, you don't just get over people you love in the blink of an eye!), and he's the lousy one whose heart is shallow if he can date that much that fast. It's not a reflection on you but on him and his capacity at giving himself entirely (or lack thereof!).And yes, do go out and find hobbies and activities that you like - build your life, your self-esteem, your calendar, and you'll see how he'll fade away in the background little by little.Don't worry - it always feels hopeless; AND IT NEVER IS! You'll be fine and receive a ton of love in your life, especially because you seem like a person who is full of beautiful things to give; so it will come. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Good luck!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
What do you do? you get over him! Stop wondering about him and what he does with his life and start working on yours. Get out there, with your friends and/or make new ones. Go enjoy your life instead of sitting back thinking about his. It's the only way you'll move on. P.S. any guy that has to be involved with other girls before deciding if you're the one he wants to be with is not one i'd waste time with.
bettyboutique bettyboutique 8 years
Im agreeing with the CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. Thats what i had to do... me and my bf were together for 3 years and we kept trying to get back together and i kept getting screwed over and i have decided to be a strong woman and get rid of the loser! Get rid of the photos, delete his phone number out of your phone, put away everything that reminds you of him, delete him off facebook/myspace or anything else internet related bc we all know that even when we say we wont creep his life we will! tell your friends not to mention his name. It is hard at first but once you not thinking about him a boy will fall into your lap trust me! Cause thats what happened to me and i cant be happier :)
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
Awe, I admire you so much for being so open and honest about how you feel. It's probably hard for you to move on since the intention was to get back together. You have to remember that life doesn't come with plans. The fact that he wanted a break specifically to see other people really says to me that he wasn't committed. When we really love someone we don't feel the need to do that. So it's time for you to come to terms with the fact that he possibly didn't love you as much as you loved him. The great news? You will find someone who loves you so much that they won't want to see other people. Moving on really sucks but it gets better with time and once you find the right guy or girl it's worth it.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
Awe, I admire you so much for being so open and honest about how you feel. It's probably hard for you to move on since the intention was to get back together. You have to remember that life doesn't come with plans. The fact that he wanted a break specifically to see other people really says to me that he wasn't committed. When we really love someone we don't feel the need to do that. So it's time for you to come to terms with the fact that he possibly didn't love you as much as you loved him. The great news? You will find someone who loves you so much that they won't want to see other people. Moving on really sucks but it gets better with time and once you find the right guy or girl it's worth it.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
You haven't moved on because he was too pussy to break clean - he implied that the door was open to you getting back together by saying that he just needed to sow his oats. As if leaving the possibility open that you'd reunite would make his break up easier for you. In reality it made it easier for HIM because by leaving you with a glimmer of hope, it seemed less painful. He isn't coming back. The bottom line is he wanted to sleep with other people - so screw him. (No pun intended.)
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
my exact situation about 2 yrs ago..I went thru the typical cycle: cry, depression, made pathetic attempts to be ANYTHING to him (still treated me like shit, by the way) and round and round we went. It got to a point where my pride was literally being dragged through the mud and I woke up and said fuck it. I realized that I wasn't myself anymore because the ending of our relationship had affected me so much. So I decided to force myself to get back on my feet.I stopped talking to him COMPLETELY and FORCED myself to BE HAPPY. I KNOW it sounds so weird, but it helped cuz with time, I was just naturally happy. I did what I wanted, hung with who I wanted and had fun. Jumping into another relationship isn't the greatest idea...u have to learn how to be happy BY YOURSELF because that becomes an attraction that people soon come to notice in you. Are u close to your mom? Being with my mom helped out a lot..we'd go for lunch or dinner together, catch movies or just be home. Friends are okay, but no one knows u better than mom.My happiness and carefee lifestyle was contagious and I had literally dates lined up with different guys (REAL nice guys) for weeks. (DATES...not booty calls, fyi)ex-bf WHO? exactly. you'll survive. We all have.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
my exact situation about 2 yrs ago.. I went thru the typical cycle: cry, depression, made pathetic attempts to be ANYTHING to him (still treated me like shit, by the way) and round and round we went. It got to a point where my pride was literally being dragged through the mud and I woke up and said fuck it. I realized that I wasn't myself anymore because the ending of our relationship had affected me so much. So I decided to force myself to get back on my feet. I stopped talking to him COMPLETELY and FORCED myself to BE HAPPY. I KNOW it sounds so weird, but it helped cuz with time, I was just naturally happy. I did what I wanted, hung with who I wanted and had fun. Jumping into another relationship isn't the greatest idea...u have to learn how to be happy BY YOURSELF because that becomes an attraction that people soon come to notice in you. Are u close to your mom? Being with my mom helped out a lot..we'd go for lunch or dinner together, catch movies or just be home. Friends are okay, but no one knows u better than mom. My happiness and carefee lifestyle was contagious and I had literally dates lined up with different guys (REAL nice guys) for weeks. (DATES...not booty calls, fyi) ex-bf WHO? exactly. you'll survive. We all have.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 8 years
Guys just move on faster then girls. They do this by going out with other people. You should go on some dates, even though they're guys you dont really like. It will take your mind off of it, expose you to new fun people and ideas, and get you out of the house. You dont have to really like a guy to give it a chance and go on one date, and I guarantee you'll learn at least one new cool thing from him.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
You need to realize this guy is a GIANT ASS. Sowing your wild oats is not reason to end a relationship you should never consider getting back together with him. You need to cease all communication and find other things in your life besides dating. That should not be your main focus right now. Your focus should be on you. Take a class you have always wanted to take anything is better than keeping this guy in your life!
lemuse20 lemuse20 8 years
The idea you have of him must be an illusion because when I hear "sowing wild oats" I immediately think selfish jerk! You do deserve better, if I were you I wouldn't hold my breath for him, whether he never comes back or does - because none of the gf's are working for him, I don't think he is worthy of your attention. Moving on doesn't mean being with someone else, don't think you need to date someone else to move on or to prove that you moved on. You don't need to focus on moving on either, it is what it is, take every day as it comes and have fun!
alltherage alltherage 8 years
cut off all contact. its the way i got over him. he was horrible in the way he broke things off but wants us to be freinds. but bottom line you have to take care of you. and like DS said he has had multiple GFs so clearly they are not filling the void. you need to keep busy find out what important to you -- including and outside of a man. get out there -- it will not help you to surivve but thrive. and be ready for a guy who you deserve.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 8 years
the way that i move on is by cutting off contact with them completely. If they want to still be friends, I tell him that I need time to get over him, and if after I move on, I feel we can still talk then I will call him. Do not worry about it taking longer for you to move on. To be honests it took me 6 months to get over my last ex and im still getting over him. I personally dont think you ever get completely over an ex (at least for myself) because there are times when I still miss my first boyfriend. But you deserve much better then him, get out there and have some fun. GOOD LUCK.
hotstuff hotstuff 8 years
Moving on doesn't mean you have to be on a mission to find a new man. Moving on is realizing that you can do better and deserve better. I'm sure it hurts to find out he's such a jerk but count your blessings that you found out sooner than later. This guy doesn't seem to be worth your time of day if this is the reason you broke up...so his ass can go sow his wild oats. That is the most rediculous thing I've heard. You deserve better than this! Don't you DARE sit ad wait for him or get back with him when he's done "sowing his oats". What bothers me most here is how in the world do you know he's hooking up with so many people? Are you still communicating with the jerk and he's rubbing all this in your face? Are you asking mutual friends about him? Your need to cease all contact with him. No phone calls or emails nothing! If this is how he chose to disrespect you and leave for such selfish reasons you need to have nothing more to do with him. Get involved in YOU in the meantime. Take up some new activities, hang with friends and forget this loser!
hotstuff hotstuff 8 years
Moving on doesn't mean you have to be on a mission to find a new man. Moving on is realizing that you can do better and deserve better. I'm sure it hurts to find out he's such a jerk but count your blessings that you found out sooner than later. This guy doesn't seem to be worth your time of day if this is the reason you broke up...so his ass can go sow his wild oats. That is the most rediculous thing I've heard. You deserve better than this! Don't you DARE sit ad wait for him or get back with him when he's done "sowing his oats". What bothers me most here is how in the world do you know he's hooking up with so many people? Are you still communicating with the jerk and he's rubbing all this in your face? Are you asking mutual friends about him? Your need to cease all contact with him. No phone calls or emails nothing! If this is how he chose to disrespect you and leave for such selfish reasons you need to have nothing more to do with him. Get involved in YOU in the meantime. Take up some new activities, hang with friends and forget this loser!
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