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You Asked: How Do I Tell My Bridesmaid to Back Down?

Dear Sugar,

I recently got engaged, and as you can imagine, this is an extremely exciting time for me. I am beginning to plan and consider ideas for the wedding, but one thing I've already gotten out of the way is the bridal party. I have a very close family and was having a difficult time choosing between my two cousins as bridesmaids. I was very close with one as a child, but I'm closer to the other cousin as an adult. In the end, we put both my cousins in the wedding and added a groomsman to my fiance's side.


My cousin from childhood was incredibly excited and wants to play a major role in my day. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm was much more than I had ever anticipated. She signed me up for several wedding websites and my email and phone number has now been solicited everywhere. She insisted that her daughter be my flower girl and even went as far as to tell me what colors I should avoid and which colors I should choose. I need help! I have tried confronting her and she will back down, but then do something else pushy. How else can I deal with this situation? — Bugged Bride

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Dear Bugged Bride,

Your wedding day should be about you and your husband — not about your bridesmaid. While I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful, she's overstepping her boundaries and you need to explain that to her. Being in someone's wedding is a huge honor, and I'm sure she's simply trying to take as much off your plate as possible. But it sounds like you want to be a hands-on bride so assigning her tasks might be the way to go.

Planning a wedding is a very stressful time and it's not uncommon for relationships to be strained during the process, so be as open and honest with her as possible so your friendship doesn't suffer the consequences. Let her feel needed, but not at the expense of your own feelings. Good luck and congratulations!

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