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You Asked: How Do we Stop the Fighting?

Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years off and on. I have done a lot of things to hurt him and break his trust in the past. We love each other very much but the problem is we can't stop fighting. We fight at least once a day and we say and do things that we later regret. We are both very stubborn and always have to be right. We can't end an argument because we both have to have the last word. I've tried getting advice from other people but the answers are not what we are looking for like couples counseling or putting money in a jar every time we get mad. We really need some advice that works. Breaking up is not an option for either of us but the fighting is getting exhausting. We really need some good advice. -- Brawling Becky

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Dear Brawling Becky--

I am sorry to hear about all this fighting but unfortunately, I have some of the same advice as your friends, I think seeing a couple's counselor or a therapist would do wonders for you and your relationship. Are you fighting because there are still deep seeded problems from your past that neither one of you have been able to let go or are you fighting so you can simply make up? Some couples thrive off the drama of arguing, making up, and even being incredibly nasty to each other, but in the long run, that dynamic gets old and tiring, eventually leaving both people in the relationship hurt and wanting more.

Perhaps taking a few days apart from each other will help gain some perspective. Do you have a friend you can stay with or a family member? It sounds like you just need a little distance to start appreciating each other again. If breaking up isn't an option, you're going to have to work together to end your constant battling. Try talking to each other before you reach the point of arguing and think before you say things you will later regret. If you don't get a grasp on what is causing this anger between you two, one of you will grow intense resentment for the other that could in turn destroy your relationship so I suggest getting outside help before it's too late. Good luck.


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