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You Asked: I Am Sick of Him

Dear Sugar,

I have been married to my husband for 10 years. My husband, like many men, made the mistake of cheating on me, more than once. He has also been unkind when it has come to repairing our relationship. His solution was to tell me to "get over it." It's been six years and I have relived his infidelity issue almost every day of my married life.

One day I woke up and realized that I don't have to make anyone happy but myself and my children, and that if I leave my happiness up to him, I am going to die a lonely, sad individual. We don't communicate, and we don't agree on anything. I hate for him to touch me. Very small insignificant things will start a massive argument. I’ve been trying to make some changes by working out and getting my hair done, etc, but he only makes comments that I have changed for the worse. When I bought some new sexy underwear, I was accused of sleeping with someone else.

I am instantly depressed when I come home from work because I have to deal with him. I want out of my marriage but my only fear is that he won’t live up to his responsibility when it comes to our children. I'm stuck. What should I do?

—Trapped Tarah

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Trapped Tarah,

Your situation sounds just awful, and I admire you for wanting to do what’s right for you and your children. Before you make any decisions, marriage counseling is certainly worth looking into. If that doesn't help, separation sounds like the next step.

It’s very likely that your children will respond to the idea of a separation with sadness and fear, but staying in a loveless, and what you describe as a hate-filled, marriage, is not necessarily a better option. I assure you that your strained relationship is having a very lasting effect on your children.

Furthermore, the fear you mention of your husband not living up to his responsibilities was realized when he cheated on you for the first time. Part of caring for his children is setting a good example and creating a loving environment, both of which he has already ceased to do. Unfortunately, it's now up to you to do what's right for them. While you decide which path to take, continue to focus on bettering yourself and keeping the communication open and honest with your children.


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