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You Asked: I Can Only Orgasm Alone

Dear Sugar,

I seem to have problems orgasming during foreplay or sex, especially when my significant other and I are being romantic. I can have an orgasm usually every day from masturbating, but have to put so much effort into having one when I'm with a guy. When he gets all romantic, it's even harder for me. I feel mushy and sweet instead of turned on. Any suggestions?

—Sexually Frustrated With My Man Marci

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Sexually Frustrated With My Man Marci,

When you are masturbating alone, you know exactly what to do. It sounds like your man is a little clueless when it comes to knowing how to please you sexually. I know it can be difficult and a little embarrassing to have to get into specifics about what you need, but it's the only way your man is ever going to know how to turn you on. I suggest that you tell him exactly what you like, where to touch you, and how to touch you — how fast, how slow, etc. You can also try showing him how to excite you, either by guiding his hand, or letting him watch you touch yourself.

If you don't think it has anything to do with his technique, then maybe you've got something on your mind, or you're stressed out, which is making you unable to fully let go. If that's not the case, maybe you need sex to be a little bit more about hot passion and less about tender romance. Keep the lines of communication open and hopefully you'll be able to work together so you're both sexually satisfied. I hope this helps.


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