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You Asked: I Can't Accept His Sexual Past

You Asked: I Can't Accept His Sexual Past

Dear Sugar,

I recently ended a very long relationship and marriage. My husband was my first and only sexual partner, and I was his. We started dating in high school and we lasted 16 years. I've started to get back out there again, but everyone I encounter has had much more of a past than me.

Having recently discovered the number of partners the guy I'm currently dating has had (over 30), I was shocked and crushed. How do I get over this and not have it affect my feelings for him? — Virginal Virginia

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Virginal Virginia,

Choosing to be with just one person was a decision that worked for you, but that's not to say it's the right choice for everyone. I understand that having 30 sexual partners is foreign and maybe a little scary to you, but it doesn't make the guy you're dating a bad person. You have to remember that you were in a committed relationship with someone for 16 years — think how differently your life would be if you were single all those years?

There are men out there who aren't as sexually experienced, so if that's a quality you desire in the person you date, this guy just might not be the one for you. With that said if you're willing to look beyond this number of his, ask him whatever questions or concerns you have about his past and hopefully he'll be able to curb your apprehensiveness.


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