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You Asked: I Can't Accept That We've Broken Up

You Asked: I Can't Accept That We've Broken Up


Dear Sugar,

I am one of your male readers and have been having a problem for a while now and need some help. About five months ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I broke up. It was initiated by me after a fight when I said that I needed some time alone to think. She was angry that I wanted time away, and so we broke up. The two months prior to that her jealousy had really driven us apart — she was constantly insecure about my female friends.

A month and a half passed and we started talking about the prospect of getting back together, but out of nowhere, something changed and she became cold towards me. She said that she didn't see a future with me, especially since she was moving away for grad school soon — she wants to try her hand at being single. I attempted to get her back to no avail.

It's now five months after our initial breakup and she is seeing someone else. I know it's not serious, but if she loved me like I loved her, how is it possible for her to be with someone else right now?I have pretty much accepted the fact that the relationship is not easily feasible given we would be in different states, but I still love her more than anything and I constantly think about her day and night. How do I convince her that we're meant to be?

— Desperate Dave

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Desperate Dave,

Breakups are always painful, and even under the best of circumstances, they can take a lot of time to recover from. It's normal to get lost in all the emotions and longing for what you had with your significant other, but as hard as it is to accept, much of that longing is based on an idealistic notion of your relationship and your ex. There's a reason you initiated a break from her, and it's not because things were going perfectly. While it's easy to get hung up on the loss you're feeling, it's time to start thinking rationally. You tried to get your ex back and she chose not to. Now she's seeing someone else and is about to move away. Unfortunately, I think her intentions towards you are clear. Instead of focusing all your energy on trying to woo her back, it's time to start letting go so you can move on with your life; you may be surprised who you meet along the way.

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