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You Asked: I Can't Believe Her Nerve!

You Asked: I Can't Believe Her Nerve!

Dear Sugar,

Over the weekend I met up with an old friend that lives about two hours away from me. When we laid out our plans for the night, she informed me that her new boyfriend was coming along. I really didn't think much of it and was actually excited to meet him. He seemed very nice, sociable, and intelligent, but as the night proceeded, this image changed a lot!

We went to a big festival that takes place in her city every year and things just went downhill from there. They basically ignored me and did their couple thing. They walked about three feet in front of me the whole time, barely even checking to see if I was still behind them. He would whisper in her ear seriously every 10 seconds to the point of nausea. Normally I would be happy for a friend, but they were just so rude and inconsiderate. Needless to say, I jumped in a cab, went back to my car, and drove the two hours home.

To add insult to injury, I haven't heard from her since — no apologies, nothing. I am really hurt and I don't know how to go forward with this. She was a really good friend, but I feel like I don't even know the person who did this. Please help. — Disappointed Dianna

To see DearSugar's answer

.

Dear Disappointed Dianna,

While I understand your frustration with your friend's behavior, just leaving without saying goodbye might not have been the best approach. It's pretty clear that your friend is in her own world right now — sometimes new love can be blinding — so she probably had no idea that you were upset by her actions thus possibly leaving her the angry one.

Now I'm not excusing what they did, but if this relationship is one you feel is worth salvaging, I think you owe it to yourself to call her. Talk to her about how she made you feel and explain why you left. Sometimes biting the bullet and being the bigger person is very much worth it in the long run. Hopefully, once you do your part to make amends, she'll follow suit. Good luck.

Source

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plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 7 years
Where does Dianna say she left without saying goodbye?
puddlesworth puddlesworth 7 years
I have SO been there before! I know how it feels, it sucks! You did the right thing by going home. Just forget her and what happened that night and don't let it bother you. Friendships grow apart but you don't want someone who's going to forget about you so easily and ignore you even though you haven't seen each other in a long time while she snuggles up to her boyfriend all night. Forget her!
ilikeatea ilikeatea 7 years
Men come and go..but girl friends stuck with you through it all and pick you up when they leave :P Boo to shitty girl behaviour and inconsiderate assholes.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 7 years
Dear is absolutely right on this one. If you want to be her friend still call her and explain yourself. She's probably waiting for you to call her. See if you can see her again with or without the bf on your terms. Don't exclude him from everything you two do or he'll resent you and she'll end up feeling the same way. If you decide she's not worth it than just forget about her. If this is a one time thing than you owe it to yourself and her to get over it and work it out.
Asia84 Asia84 7 years
yeah. i agrees sundaygreen. the friend knew she was on thirsty-mode with her boyfriend. she coulda atleast suggested that she bring her boyfriend to. then it could be a couple's thing. but she didn't go that far, because she really just wanted you to see how cute her boyfriend was, and he's sooo sweet. and he's a great kisser. and don't you think he'll be a good father one day . . . b*tches.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 7 years
I don't know about everyone else, but I think it's rude that she brought her boyfriend along to begin with. If I was going to drive 2 hours to go see a friend who I hardly ever see, I would want some one on one time. And if the situation was reversed, I would never bring my boyfriend along. I would have told this 'friend' that I didn't drive 2 hours to be a 3rd wheel, and would have left promptly as well.
Asia84 Asia84 7 years
That b*tch knew she was being rude! all thirsty up on her man like 7th grade. f*ck her and her donkey-head boyfriend. they weren't worth you telling them off. don't f*ck with your so-called friend anymore. (excuse me if i'm a bit edgy. first day of period. same adivce applies though).
Jesi_Oh Jesi_Oh 7 years
Nope I'm with Geebers (the updated advice!). She knows perfectly well that she behaved badly but doesn't care right now and that's regrettable but somewhat understandable. My advice (and speaking from experience) is to definitely not call and instead try and work on forgiving her in your own time and space based on your previously strong relationship. If she's worth having as a friend she will call once she's over her initial euphoria of having a bf and realises how important her girlfriends are (this would be a good time for her to lend you those shoes of hers you've been eyeing off as a peace offering :-) ). Then you guys can get back on track and it's just a (almost) funny memory. If she doesn't call she's not worth it and you'll just have to chalk it up to experience! (sorry about the epic post!)
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 7 years
This is definitely a case of your friend being gaga and basically hanging you out to dry. If this is the first time she's been smitten, she should be forgiven. If she's a repeat offender, kick her to the curb. I wouldn't wait around for the call, though. They're probably too busy making out on the couch. I'd honestly lay low and not contact her. If my experience of the world holds true, she'll be heart broken and/or bored in 3 months and come back crying.
xminniex xminniex 7 years
Wow! When relationships first start off they are in cloud 9, trying to get to know each other, etc. If this friend is that important to you, give her a call, email her..tell her that you're hurt and upset by the rudeness. I'm sure if she really is your friend, she'll understand and apologize. And the next time anyone does to you, control the situation by stating that you feel left out or uncomfortable and then leave. So that way, you look like the bigger person instead of just running off.
lovelie lovelie 7 years
Lol geebers. Yea I would say that his line about the third wheel was the deal breaker for me. I am usually a pretty patient person, but this guy, man, he put the D in douchebag.
geebers geebers 7 years
Thank you for clarifying lovelie - now that I know these additional facts- I am on your side and want to change my advice. If you said this to her and tried and she STILL didnt say sorry - then you deserve better. Don't bother with your friend - she will come around when she realizes she may have no friends with this poor behavior. I was never this way when I first started dating my BF- in fact I consciously made sure to include my friends - they were more likely to tell ME to hang with my BF rather than other way around. And her boyfriend has the nerve to actually tell you "everyone has to be third wheel" Oh NO way douchbag - everyone does NOT have to be anything that makes them feel like they are not welcome -I would be absolutely pissed and left.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 7 years
The fact that she didnt call to see what happen proves that shes not a good friend. I guess you should be happy that this happend because now you know what kind of person she is. I wouldnt talk to her in a very long time. You dont need ppl like that in your life.
lovelie lovelie 7 years
Thanks everyone for your advice. Like I said, I'm really at a crossroad with this one. Not only that, I really have been questioning my other friends if I was just being irrational about this. It is good to know that it is not in my head and complete strangers affirm my reaction, cause sometimes it is hard to see things from outside the situation! Thanks again everyone! :) :)
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 7 years
Maybe they have yet to realize that you had left them ;) Just kidding. But seriously, sometimes timing with these things isnt always perfect. And everyone is the third wheel at some point in their lives, and you just have to make the best of it. I dont know, make an ass out of yourself, try to be funny, but do something so they notice you and cant ignore you while you walk behind them!! :P I have definately been the friend often times who was JUST STARTING a relationship when my friends came stay with me. It was just bad timing at times; you cant really plan these things but you just do your best to make sure your guests are having a good time. And then when they get all bitchy and weird when they realize they dont have you all to themselves...well sometimes there's not much you can do about that.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 7 years
Well, lovlie, I think you did the right thing. You tried to talk to them about how you were feeling and then told them you were leaving when things didn't change. I think she owes you a big apology, but since she is such a good friend, you should cut her some "eyes of love" slack. I would say give it a few days and call her if she hasn't called you - and next time you make plans to go out, make sure it stays a girls' night out!!!
karlotta karlotta 7 years
She just sounds like an idiot in love. It's forgivable, but you need to tell her that she screwed up. She probably hasn't called you because she's just as immature as she sounds, and she can't figure out how to handle the conversation that's coming to her. Call her and say your peace!
Blackwood Blackwood 7 years
this has happened to me only so many times. and while I never left, I tried to politely find an excuse (a transparent lie) to leave. Of course, I wanted my friend to realize the actual reason I was leaving, but if I had said it, I would have been called jealous (call me passive aggressive, but many people who are in love feel that the whole world envies them), so I gave my weakest excuse and let her do the thinking later. Once this happened once or twice, she realized that going somewhere to watch her make out with her boyfriend wasn't as fun as she thought it was, she started to leave the boyfriend at home or be a little more discrete in terms of the way they displayed their affection to each other. But, there's also another possibility. I have always felt that certain people (not saying this is the case) actually get off on doing that, like it's a turn on for them for some reason (to make people feel jealous? uncomfortable? insulted? there's people who like doing that), and you can tell especially if it happens like another poster above said and they actually talk about you, and they stare at you while doing so, so you know what they're talking about! (that's not being distracted, that's being purposely vicious) So my advice: if it's the first case (she doesn't realize she's making you uncomfortable) then try to talk to her and tell her you don't mean to make her feel bad, but you just can't help feel left out hanging around with her and her boyfriend. if, however, you feel she's the type of person of the second case, then don't sweat it because you don't even need to have someone like that in your life.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 7 years
any person in their right mind would be offended by that kind of behaviour. come on, its in bad taste to third wheel anybody. had there been at least one other person u can hang with, they could be as mushy as they please. heck, we were newlyweds, but when my sis in law was out with us alone, we'd definitely take that into consideration. lovelie deserves an apology, and if not shes not worth it. shes one of "those" women who give up everything and everyone for any random guy. tsk tsk.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 7 years
I'm glad you came on to clarify, lovelie.
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 7 years
oops, I just realized I gave no constructive advice. LOL some help I am. Anyway, I do believe you deserve another apologogy (other than the one she gave you before the fireworks), but I hate to tell ya that it probably isn't coming. People can be so set in their own ways that they don't even see the faults in their actions. oh well. Still, it isn't necessary to end the friendship completley. Just remember this situation and be wary next time. She clearly isn't the most genuine friend on the block.
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 7 years
ugh, I was still on your side even before you clarified that you let her know you were leaving. You had every right! People can be so freakin' rude sometimes. Believe me, I have experienced selfish friendships like this! SOOO FRUSTRATING. lol, apparently I am bitter.
TidalWave TidalWave 7 years
Okay, after reading lovelie's response, I would say that your friend most likely will never apologize until after she's broken up with her boyfriend (which will happen, because he sounds like a jerk). She also doesn't like much of a friend either.
lovelie lovelie 7 years
Ha and Jaxon..it was actually Summerfest(good ol' Milwaukee, WI), which is one big overglorified carnival.
lovelie lovelie 7 years
Hi everyone...I'm not sure if you're suppose to remain anonymous on these dear sugars, but after reading this I felt the need to make a slight correction. I really do appreciate reading everyones advice because I am truly at a crossroad on this one, because this friend normally never behaves like this. So my correction...of course I did not just leave. I'm not quite sure if I omitted that in my original message or if dearsugar did, but no matter. I told both of them that I really wasn't into being the "third wheel" that night, and her bf actually said the following to me... "everyone gets stuck being the 3rd wheel sometime." She actually did apologize, but the behavior continued, and actually got worse at fireworks time. (At which time I told her I was gonna hit the road) I guess what bothers me the most is the event was very misleading. I was under the impression that we girls were getting all dressed up to go out which was not the case. Like I said, I'm all for being in love, but not so blatantly in front of a friend that hasn't seen you in a long time.
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