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You Asked: I Can't Get Turned On

You Asked: I Can't Get Turned On


Dear Sugar,

I can't get aroused anymore. Everything was fine up until a few weeks ago, but then I just suddenly stopped being able to be turned on, either alone or with my partner. I think I'm into it, but then my body doesn’t respond physically. I know it's probably just me being paranoid, but I'm worried that there's something medically wrong with me. I wasn't sure whether this new change might be linked to my period or not. I have had about four periods a year for the last three years. Is there any advice you can offer on getting my sex drive going again? What’s wrong with me?

— Turned Off in Tulsa

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Dear Turned Off in Tulsa,

There are so many reasons for both a woman’s libido to change as well as her arousal ability to be affected. While it is not uncommon for periods to break from their typical cycle, you should see a gynecologist just to make sure everything is okay; however, it sounds like this problem didn’t start with your irregular period. Is it possible that something significant happened a few weeks ago that you’re not remembering? It could be something as small as a cold or as life-altering as a new job. Subconsciously you might be feeling uncomfortable or distanced from the entire act, which is making your body act this way.

It’s incredibly normal for woman to have periods of time where they’re just not as into sex as usual. Try to focus on anything emotional that could be on your mind and talk about it with someone. Keeping your emotions bottled up will only make it worse. Another thing that might help is when and if you have sex, remember to use lube; it’ll make it a much more pleasant experience even if it can’t be a pleasurable one. Good luck.

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