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You Asked: I Despise My Boyfriend's Mother!

You Asked: I Despise My Boyfriend's Mother!

Dear Sugar,

I literally cannot stand my boyfriend's mother. She's a loud, flashy, selfish, ignorant, stuck-up princess, and to top it all off, he's a bona fide Mama's Boy. He lives with his parents (at age 29!) because she still does everything for him, including doing his laundry, folding it, and delivering it to his room — she even makes his bed! She makes me feel completely alienated because I didn't grow up the same way they did. She only values people with money and people who will gossip with her and feed her ego. She doesn't listen when other people talk, but my boyfriend thinks she's a great mother and a wonderful person. I love him, but how can I be with him if I despise his mother? We've been together for a year now and things are just getting worse, in fact I hate her more every time I see her. Is this something we can get past or do I need to sever this relationship? — Second Fiddle Sadie

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Dear Second Fiddle Sadie,

This sounds like a really miserable situation but I'm sorry to say that you're stuck with this woman as long as you continue to date your boyfriend. The fact that they live together does make things worse, so does he plan to move out anytime soon? Could you limit the amount of time you spend there in order to avoid contact with her?

Biting your tongue and killing her with kindness is the best advice I can offer you. Since it's not likely that she'll change, you're going to have to come up with a plan B. Try to find a way to connect with her — do you have any of the same interests or hobbies? Though you have different relationships, it's clear that you both love the same man so if you want to continue dating him, you're going to have to find a way to make peace with his mom. You don't have to be her best friend, but try to be a little more accepting even though you don't agree with her disposition. You're both grown adults so once she sees your effort, hopefully she'll follow suit. This probably isn't something you can just get past. If all else fails and you just can't make it work, you're going to have to ask yourself what matters most — your relationship or your strong dislike for his mom.


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