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You Asked: I Don't Enjoy Sex With My Boyfriend

You Asked: I Don't Enjoy Sex With My Boyfriend

Dear Sugar,

For the last eight months or so, I haven't enjoyed sex. My boyfriend tries hard to please me and helps me in every way possible, but I just DON'T want it. Well, actually I don't want it from him. I want sex all the time but when it comes down to it, I get turned off by the little things — him not being shaved down there, it being too late, I'm too tired, I have to work tomorrow — I give him every excuse in the book.

I have tried to figure out ways to make myself want to have sex with him, but I am tired of it because it's so boring. It's the same thing every time. I can predict his every move and what will happen next. I feel like I would have more fun masturbating alone (and usually do).

I have a common fantasy that I have wanted to share with him but don't
know how to bring it up without sounding weird. We're pretty open with our sex life and love to try new things, but I think this is one of those things that has to be handled delicately. I want him to be my "masseuse" and "trick" me into sleeping with him. I want him to use sly hand movements, no speaking, and just touching. I'm nervous about him messing it up though, with a lot of talking or rushing in to it. Should I bring it up to him?

—Wanting More Mandi

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Wanting More Mandi,

You say that you are bored with your sex life because it's the same all the time, but then you also said that you two are really open to trying new things so I'm a little confused. Does he know that you're restless? If so, is that why he tries new things? Or does he try new things and it still leaves you unsatisfied?

All good and solid relationships are built on respect and openness. You've got to be honest with him about everything and trust that he'll listen and be supportive. Sex is a really important aspect of a relationship because it's a special way that you can express how you feel for one another and he should know that you are wanting more. It's great that you have this sexual fantasy and you should definitely share it with him. Be specific about what you want and try not to be so strict about it, or have such high expectations. Just let things happen and try to remember that this is all about sharing love and being together. I'm sure he already knows that he hasn't been pleasing you lately, and he might even have a complex about it, so you don't want him to become any more self-conscious than he already is.

If everything else is great about your relationship, keep working on this and have some patience. As long as you are willing to discuss what you want and need from him, and he's willing to try, I'm sure you'll be able to improve your sex life. Good luck.


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