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You Asked: I Don't Know How to Talk Dirty

You Asked: I Don't Know How to Talk Dirty

DearSugar --

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, and he is always trying to get me to have phone sex with him. I always try to avoid the conversation as much as possible. The problem is, I don't know how to. Can you help me? -- Shy Sharon

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Shy Sharon --

I wish I had a little bit more information from you, but I'm just going to have run with my gut instincts here. In general, I like the practice of couples discussing the introduction of a new (or unusual) kind of play before initiating it. I think it's respectful and loving, and symbolizes the whole notion of shared adventuring.

You say he's "always trying" to get you to have phone sex, and I'm going to presume you aren't using the word "always" loosely. You'll want to pay close attention in any relationship if your partner is always doing anything.

My advice? Be honest with him. If you're uncomfortable, tell him. I really encourage you, Shy Sharon, to be and say who you are in any relationship. He should be sensitive to your feelings, and if he's not, that's another thing about which you can pay closer attention.

If you're only nervous about the phone sex because you're inexperienced, I like this website for its very practical, very detailed tips for the novice dirty talker, which you can easily modify for phone sex. I'd like your boyfriend to think about phone foreplay, too. Ask him to be a little sweet and romantic before the sex part begins.

As you discover more about expressing your sexuality, Shy Sharon, I hope you'll continue to confidently explore and communicate your boundaries.


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kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
Good advice from sugar, as always! Def let him know it's making you uncomfortable. He needs to know that or he might think your uninterested in general..maybe not but that is how guys think sometimes.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 9 years
Phone sex isn't for everyone so if you can't get into it then be honest with him and tell him how it makes you feel (embarassed, silly, etc). Tell him you prefer the real thing and that it'll be worth it for him to wait until the next time the two of you can be together. And Dear's right, if he can't respect your feelings on the issue you might want to re-consider the relationship.
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