I'm troubled by my sexual relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much and he tells me he loves me too. Everything in our relationship is great except there are times when he doesn't ejaculate during sex.
It worries me that I'm not pleasing him or not turning him on enough. What can I do? Is this normal? I've never had this problem in the past with other lovers. I've tried just about everything, what more can I do? Is it me?
—Frustrated in Bed Bonnie
To hear Dear Sugar's answer
Dear Frustrated in Bed Bonnie,
Most people think that guys are easy to arouse and that they want sex all the time. If you just breathe on them, they can ejaculate instantly, right? Well you're wrong!! Arousal depends on the person so you've got to figure out what makes your man tick.
You say that he doesn't ejaculate all the time, so that must mean that he has no problem finishing at other times. Figure out what events lead up to his climax. Was it something you did, or said, or wore? Ask him what he likes most so you can help him to reach orgasm. Maybe he needs different kinds of stimulation than what you're used to with your past lovers. Make figuring this out fun instead of frustrating.
I wonder if he is stressed about work or if something is bothering him. Being preoccupied will affect your sex life, so try to figure out what's on his mind. You are both in love, and it sounds like you care about this relationship deeply. As long as you are open and honest with your communication, I have faith that you two can work this out.