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You Asked: I Don't Want to Overstay My Welcome

You Asked: I Don't Want to Overstay My Welcome

Dear Sugar,

I recently started dating a guy who I click with and have great chemistry with. I live a ways away from where we usually go out, so I spend the night at his place much more than he does mine, despite the fact that he has two roommates. While I have spent the night at a guy's place before, I've never had to deal with roommates and I'm feeling very uneasy about it. I don't want to leave too much there — they only have one bathroom — but I need to start feeling more comfortable. What do you think are the essentials I should keep there, and how can I get over my fear of overstaying my welcome? — Polite Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer,

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Dear Polite Penelope,

Dealing with roommates is definitely a drag when you want some alone time with your boyfriend, but since this is what you have to work with, it's time to make the best of it. I'm happy to hear that you don't want to move too much into their bathroom, but some essentials I'd recommend keeping there are a toothbrush, a hair brush, deodorant, face wash, and a moisturizer. If you want to leave a pair of sweatpants or something to sleep in, share one of his drawers for the time being and let things progress naturally from there.

In terms of etiquette, I'd say don't take too long in the bathroom, don't make a mess in the common areas, and don't hog the television set. Other than that, if your boyfriend wants you there, you shouldn't fear overstaying your welcome! I hope I was of some help.

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sparklestar sparklestar 6 years
Somebody I knew didn't like his roomates girlfriend so when she left her toothbrush in the bathroom, he cleaned the sink with it. Jus' sayin'. You should keep a small bag of toiletries and any other essential items. Do you drive? If so it shouldn't be too much trouble to keep a bag of things in your car, hardly a problem! You say you RECENTLY started dating a guy though... putting your toothbrush in the bathroom is usually the major freak out for a guy so find out where you stand relationship-wise and if HE would be comfortable with you doing this! It will progress the dating from a chick who he has over occasionally to have sex with to a girlfriend who wants to move her stuff into his drawers!! Tread carefully!
macchiatolove macchiatolove 6 years
agree with the others. Either bring things with you when you stay, or keep some mini-sized toiletries and makeup in a toiletries bag in his room somewhere. Since they share the bathroom, it would be weird to use up a drawer or shelf in there :)
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 6 years
Keep the basics in a small bag. I did that at an ex's house and it saved my rear a few times. By basics I mean toothbrush, moisturiser, spare underwear and a small deodorant. Keep it tucked in your boyfriends room and the roommates wont notice.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 6 years
You don't live there, stop trying to take over.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 6 years
Push come to shove leave all your toiletries and some clothes in a little over night or gym bag in his closet or under his bed or ask him to give you a drawer if possible. Like Dear said just be mindful of his roommates and hopefully it shouldn't be a problem.
merie33 merie33 6 years
Yeah...definitely don't leave anything in the bathroom. Remember 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days'...when she invaded his bathroom? It's not necessarily that extreme, but guys like their space. And a shared bathroom isn't a picnic to begin with..they don't need moisturizer sitting on the counter. Keep it in your boyfriends room or just bring it with you. And have your boyfriend ask if they mind you being there. Chances are they won't, but it's considerate to ask them.
kristyy kristyy 6 years
Agreed with the others who said don't even leave your stuff in the bathroom. Imagine if each of them had their gfs leaving stuff in there too. They are paying rent and are thus entitled to bathroom space. You are not, and need to keep your stuff out of the shared space. I don't know if you're up to it, but maybe you can earn brownie points by cleaning the bathroom every once in a while, since you are staying over there quite frequently and are contributing to the usage of the public space. (I know, not a fun chore, but it would be fair because all that hair in the bathroom will most likely belong to you.)
bluepuppybites bluepuppybites 6 years
I would have a an overnight bag with all those items just in my car. That way if I wanted to stay I had some stuff on hand.
dm8bri dm8bri 6 years
I would make sure you're not staying over there too regularly - like, no more than twice a week. That's one of the biggest complaints I had when I was a roommate (not to mention that I've heard from friends and acquaintances) - my roommates' significant others over-staying their welcome. Even if you're inconspicuous and don't leave things in the bathroom, you can still be heard and sensed. If you're there a lot, the other people in the place will wonder when you're going to start paying rent or helping with bills - you know, for the water or electricity you use. I've had male roommates a few times and while they're pretty chill to the girlfriend's face, they always bitch about her when she's not there. Unless, of course, she was friends with them to begin with. Even then - when my bf and I lived seperately I hardly EVER crashed at his place - he lived with 4 other guys and while I was friends with all of them it was just uncomfortable. So, yeah, minimize your presence when you do stay over and make sure it's not too often.
sunshinepointe sunshinepointe 6 years
I agree with those who said to not leave your stuff in the bathroom. Chances are it's cramped enough. I go to my boyfriends house and he shares his upstairs bathroom with one of his roommates and I don't leave a trace of anything I own in there. I have a special space in my boyfriends room for my "stuff". We've also been dating also 8 months and I don't forsee this changing so long as he lives with someone else.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 6 years
get a bigger purse and bring it with you when you intend on staying over. or leave your stuff there before you go out that way its there for you when you come back to the apartment. other than that i wouldnt be leaving anything around unless he asks you to. also dont assume that he wants you to sleep there all the time even if it is more convenient. only stay if he asks you to and i wouldn't make a habit out of staying there all the time. it will cause tension with the roommates and also people like their privacy. the relationship is new still. you don't live together so you need to do what makes him comfortable in his place and not worry about what would make it easier for you.
smurfle smurfle 6 years
carry your stuff in your bag. i wouldn't leave stuff in the bathroom. especially if you haven't been dating that long. it doesn't take much to freak guys out.
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
Wow. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now and stay at his place every friday night. I don't leave anything there except a toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. That's all he has at my place too! Moisturizer? Seriously?! How hard is it to bring a hair brush and deodorant with you?!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Agree with others. Leave nothing there, be as unobtrusive as possible. You have to remember, guys like privacy too, and when you are there, it IS an invasion of their privacy, no matter how nice you are. Being around someone else's girlfriend and feeling like you have to be on your good behavior will get old. They can't walk around in their underwear, etc.! ( Not that they would anyway, but most of us do when we are home, at least a little :) ). Just be respectful and don't be too noticeable.
colombiansugar colombiansugar 6 years
As a girl who has both lived with guys (friends, not romantic interests) and crashed at my boyfriend's place (when he had 2 other male roommates), I can say quite confidently that most guys are so cool about house guests. As long as you are polite like Dear said (don't leave any mess around, don't hog the one bathroom, don't drink all their milk or whatever, lol) you will be totally fine. I would recommend having a small bathroom carrier, like one of the above posters suggested, that you can keep your bathroom stuff in and store in your boyfriend's room when not in use. If they have only one bathroom, this is ideal since it will ensure your stuff is not in the way. Otherwise, I just really cannot emphasize enough *being polite*. If everyone is hanging out and you need to run to the corner store, ask everyone if they need anything. It never hurts to show up with a 6 pack to ingratiate yourself with the guys, either. Basically just be nice!
aimeeb aimeeb 6 years
I would have your boyfriend just check with them to make sure it's okay. Then keep maybe a toothbrush their in a holder, some clothes and that's it. If you're just there for the night use his face wash...
missyd missyd 6 years
yeah, sorry Dear, I disagree with ur advice too. A). I wouldnt leave anything int he bathroom. Put anything you want to keep there in a drawer in his room in a toiletries bag. Dont even leave your toothbrush in the bathroom. Ziploc it, and put it in the bag in his room. I know myself, if a roomate's bf/gf started leaving his or her stuff in the bathroom,I'd have an issue with it. SHARED bathroom is hard enough. Dont be loading the counter with your significant other's crap as well. As for amount of time spent there, i would get my boyfriend to flat out ask the roomates if they minded or had a preference. They probably wont care, if you dont leave your stuff hanging around :p. See the link ;)?
Fallen85 Fallen85 6 years
I had a roommate whos boyfriend was constantly over. Even though they were often locked in her room it was still really awkward, I always felt like I was in "host" mode. If you can, only stay at his place once or twice a week. He should be making the effort to come to your place as well. As for stuff to leave in the bathroom... jsut dont. Bring an overnight bag with toiletries in it and store it in your man's bedroom, then everytime you go to the bathroom just bring it with you. Do your makeup/hair in your boyfriends room and only use the bathroom when you need water etc. The roommates pay a certain amount a month to live with a couple of guys, they do not want to start sharing it with a chick. be careful and I also suggest sucking up a little to the roommates. Bake cookies for them, clean the kitchen, make them dinner, bring a case of beer. Whatever you have to do to let them see that you being there isnt a bad thing. But still... dont become another roommate. good luck
care0531 care0531 6 years
Talk to him about first and see if it's something he is okay with. If he talks to them and thinks its okay then have a little travel bag with hair care, make up, lotion, tooth brush and keep in a small travel bag that can be left in your boyfriends room and not mixed in with the other guys stuff. Not sure about you but I wouldn't trust using a tooth brush that was left in a bathroom shared by 3 men. It just takes 1 drunk night without you there for them to have fun with you stuff.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 6 years
Actually I think a tooth brush is enough since it is a SHARED bathroom. I don't know how cool his roommates are about you staying over and how close you and your bf have become, but I say keep it to the minimum.
Murmur314 Murmur314 6 years
Easy! Talk to the roommates and hear their opinions. If you're honest and open with them, they'll approach you when they think you're overdoing it. Which means that if you do it this way, you'll earn brownie points with the guys and they'll be more lenient with you. That said, they're just random guys. They're not harming you, not hitting on you, not plotting anything against you. Just living in the same apartment and minding their own businesses (for the most part).
princess_eab princess_eab 6 years
He needs to talk to his roommates and find out what they are comfortable with. This is between him and his roommates - if I were you, I'd get a hanging bag of toiletries and bring it into and out of the bathroom with you. Four people in a living situation is very stressful and I actually wouldn't suggest making counter space for yourself when there are so many other people involved, so I disagree with Dear. Keep your stuff in his room and don't invade their space too - be unobtrusive.
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