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You Asked: I Feel Ugly

Dear Sugar--

I got my hair cut a few months ago--- short. I used to have fairly long hair that I enjoyed, but unfortunately I get bored with my looks quite often. I used to dye my long hair a different color every few months, but I decided back in March that dyeing it just wasn't cutting it, and I wanted to do something drastic.

So, on impulse (like I do everything) I decided to go get it cut. My boyfriend fully supports me and really likes the look, but I HATE IT. He never hesitates to tell me how gorgeous he thinks I am, but I still feel unattractive. I've been growing it out, and while I think it's a cute cut, I miss my long hair and just don't feel as pretty as I used to.

I'm 5'3, weigh a normal 120 lbs and I have always felt fairly attractive until now. It has gotten past just missing my hair - I feel fat (I used to weigh 109-112 and am now 119-122) and I can't afford extensions. Are there any more tips you can give me to help me look and feel like my old self again? I feel ugly.

-- Aggravated Ally

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Aggravated Ally--

I can totally relate to you not feeling attractive. Many years ago I cut my long hair really short and regretted it the second I heard the scissors snip off my ponytail. It's devastating to feel bad and self-conscious about your looks, so I recommend working on changing what you can, in a healthy way.

I wouldn't recommend hair extensions, since they aren't good for your hair (they cause breakage). Just stick with growing it out and making the best of the length you have. Maybe go to a new hair stylist and get some hair advice on what you can do with your short locks and new styles you might like better in the grow out period. You also mentioned being unhappy with your weight. It doesn't sound like you need to lose weight, but it's important for you to feel good about yourself, so maybe what you could use is a little daily exercise to improve your mood and help you tone up a little.

It sounds like your confidence needs a little boost, so I'm wondering what's causing you to feel so insecure about yourself. Do these thoughts come purely from you or does someone else make you feel this way? If you can get to the bottom of these negative feelings, then you can figure out how to feel good about yourself again. Whatever the reason, try and do things that make you feel content and proud. Surround yourself with people who love you for you. Use your skills and talents to help others in your community. Looks really aren't everything, so spend less time changing yourself, and more time celebrating the unique qualities you already have.

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calibabi calibabi 9 years
pull a samantha and mix it up with some wigs...just don't fret. it will grow back. so far everyone has had some great advice for you, so i really don't have much to add.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I am the exact opposite of you I have always had the Mia Farrow pixie cut and when I have tried to grow my hair out I have never felt less confident in my life. The key to short hair is to make sure you go to someone that is good with short hair it is just like if you have curly hair. Don't do the extensions play with it a little and you'll be surprised how much fun you can have with it. I wear the wide headbands all the time and it looks really cute.
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
awwww everyone goes through these phases every once in a while. It may also be because you seem to like change (as you mentioned) and with your short hair, you don't feel like you can do much change with it. But your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful (he likes short hair?) so maybe you can focus on totally glamming up and showing off your beautiful face and body for a nice date night with him..that'll really get him going and make you feel gorgeous. Or maybe do a little change to your hair? "Posh" it out or something with layers or bangs!?you like change- it's time to change your view about yourself right now by doing things that'll make you feel good! Get a mani/pedi! Add some highlights? Buy a new outfit or shoes? Get your makeup done? joing a gym and take some fun fitness classes (make friends and feel good!)? there's tons of things you can do until your hair grows back =) good luck!
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
awwww everyone goes through these phases every once in a while. It may also be because you seem to like change (as you mentioned) and with your short hair, you don't feel like you can do much change with it. But your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful (he likes short hair?) so maybe you can focus on totally glamming up and showing off your beautiful face and body for a nice date night with him..that'll really get him going and make you feel gorgeous. Or maybe do a little change to your hair? "Posh" it out or something with layers or bangs!? you like change- it's time to change your view about yourself right now by doing things that'll make you feel good! Get a mani/pedi! Add some highlights? Buy a new outfit or shoes? Get your makeup done? joing a gym and take some fun fitness classes (make friends and feel good!)? there's tons of things you can do until your hair grows back =) good luck!
fab4 fab4 9 years
Everyone's advice is great. Try getting a make-over with a totally new brand of make-up. That helped me once! (Bare Minerals did the trick) Getting into an exercise routine is also a great way to be more positive, more energetic, and it will even help your hair grow!! Your man sounds great, by the way!
Marci Marci 9 years
I agree with Dear about leaving your hair alone and not doing extensions. I never like my hair the first week or two after a cut and then it starts to take shape and I can do more with it; so with any luck, that will be the case with you. I think women tend to do things to their hair when they're bored or feeling unattractive. I know I definitely do! But Dear is also right that there's something underlying that's making you be so hard on yourself. Try to figure out what the real cause is. And as far as your weight is concerned - 120 lbs. at 5'3" is nowhere near fat. We all have a weight we're most comfortable at though, so if that's bothering you, losing a few pounds might help. But if there's more at work in your self-esteem, all the weight you lose and all the hair changes won't make a difference until you address the issue - whatever it is. Last but not least - your boyfriend sounds terrific!
Marci Marci 9 years
I agree with Dear about leaving your hair alone and not doing extensions. I never like my hair the first week or two after a cut and then it starts to take shape and I can do more with it; so with any luck, that will be the case with you. I think women tend to do things to their hair when they're bored or feeling unattractive. I know I definitely do! But Dear is also right that there's something underlying that's making you be so hard on yourself. Try to figure out what the real cause is.And as far as your weight is concerned - 120 lbs. at 5'3" is nowhere near fat. We all have a weight we're most comfortable at though, so if that's bothering you, losing a few pounds might help. But if there's more at work in your self-esteem, all the weight you lose and all the hair changes won't make a difference until you address the issue - whatever it is. Last but not least - your boyfriend sounds terrific!
divalicious23 divalicious23 9 years
I think try a wig if it bothers you that much..but personally I would just change my outlook instead of the look itself.
divalicious23 divalicious23 9 years
I think you need time to grow into your hair..as for feeling ugly, it's all in the mind, men find strong women with really strong focused attractive, hair has nothing to do with how men look at you at all. Remember you're fab as a person every morning when you wake up. If you feel down go for a run and you'll feel better.
kayden kayden 9 years
Hang in there and turn you situation into something positive. Have fun with your short hair highlight it and style it. It will grow back with time. Be thankful you have hair my friend's sister has Cancer and due to her Cancer treatments has lost her hair. She just thanks God she's alive and getting better!
kayden kayden 9 years
Hang in there and turn you situation into something positive. Have fun with your short hair highlight it and style it. It will grow back with time. Be thankful you have hair my friend's sister has Cancer and due to her Cancer treatments has lost her hair. She just thanks God she's alive and getting better!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Don't worry about your hair, it will grow back. And if you want to lose weight, eat healthily and go work out. Your BF sounds like a great guy. I'm sorry you feel ugly, but I don't really see any problem here that can't easily be fixed with minimal patience or effort on your part! If this is all you have to worry about you have a charmed life.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Don't worry about your hair, it will grow back.And if you want to lose weight, eat healthily and go work out.Your BF sounds like a great guy.I'm sorry you feel ugly, but I don't really see any problem here that can't easily be fixed with minimal patience or effort on your part!If this is all you have to worry about you have a charmed life.
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
Be happy that your boyfriend sees beauty in you, embrace the change and find beauty in what is present on the outside and in. There are also things you can change in your dieting if you want to lose a little weight and get your hair growing faster: eat lots of fish, omega 3's, vitamin b's & k, as well as biotin. check out http://whfoods.com too, to find out which foods have a good supply of vitamin b's and k's.
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
Be happy that your boyfriend sees beauty in you, embrace the change and find beauty in what is present on the outside and in. There are also things you can change in your dieting if you want to lose a little weight and get your hair growing faster: eat lots of fish, omega 3's, vitamin b's & k, as well as biotin. check out http://whfoods.com too, to find out which foods have a good supply of vitamin b's and k's.
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