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You Asked: I Want a Divorce

Dear Sugar,

I want out of my marriage so badly that I can hardly stand the idea of another moment in it. We tried counseling a few years ago, but the fact is I don't love my husband anymore, period. We have two young boys, and to be honest, I'm only in this now for them. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't know how to tell him that I want to leave. I feel guilty because he has no family to turn to, and if I leave him he will threaten to take our car. I know it's petty, but all I really have is our new car. At the same time, I don't want to leave him with nothing. How can I get out?

— Miserable Maggie

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Dear Miserable Maggie,

It sounds like you've truly hit your limit and need to deal with the situation quickly however, don't let your emotions get the best of you during this difficult time. Think rationally and plan ahead. Your concerns about the car lead me to believe that you don't have many resources once you leave. Make plans with family or friends and ask to stay with them for a while. Perhaps they can help you find a job and help care for your boys when they're not in school. One thing to remember is that if you can't come up with your own custody agreement for the children, the court will have to do so for you, so start considering how to work that out.

Once you've worked through some of these kinks internally, then broach the issue with your husband. Unfortunately there's no way to make this discussion easy except to be kind and honest. Tell him that you're not happy anymore and that you want a separation. Be clear that the children's happiness is the most important thing and hopefully you'll be able to work together to make this an easy transition. It's going to be very difficult for a while, but both you and your husband will make it through. Good luck.


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