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You Asked: I Want Marriage, He Doesn't

You Asked: I Want Marriage, He Doesn't


Dear Sugar,

I have been in a relationship for about seven years, and we've lived together for nearly four. I have been trying to talk to my partner about getting married, but he just doesn't want to go that route. We each have our own children from previous relationships, as well as two that are ours together. I finally feel ready to settle down and get married, but he doesn't even see that as an option. We have both been married before; he is 39, and I am 31. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone.

I just don't know if I am selling myself short. Don't I deserve a wedding to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Or should I just accept the fact that he doesn't think we need to get married and keep everything the way it is? I have been losing a lot of sleep on this one and feel as if I'm not as good as his exes. What do I do?

— Ready to Settle Down Sasha

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Ready to Settle Down Sasha,

This is not a matter of what you deserve; it's about what you want. If you want to be married, and your boyfriend doesn't, that's a big problem. Although the idea of acceptance sounds nice, actually doing it is very challenging, which is why you're dealing with this dilemma in the first place. You need to decide if marriage is something you can live without while still being happy in your relationship.

But before you make that decision, it's important to realize that it should have absolutely nothing to do with his exes. This is about you, him, and your family together; he's not with his exes, he's with you, and that should speak volumes about how much you matter to him. Your feelings about marriage and staying with your partner should not come from a place of insecurity, because those kinds of concerns are unlikely to go away just because you've had a wedding. Talk to your boyfriend. Find out where he's coming from, and then use that information to determine the right path for you and your children.

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