I broke up with my boyfriend of 16 months because he cheated and was not respectful to me about it. Soon afterwards, I happened to hook up with my best friend from childhood with whom I have always stayed in touch and I knew he always wanted me. I feel this strong profound love with him, and we decided to start a relationship two months ago. He is so committed in the relationship, but lately I feel a strong pull towards my ex. He lives near me and has been coming onto me, giving me attention, etc. while my current boyfriend lives far, in a different country.
Another reason I am feeling this pull is because I have been having financial problems. My ex does very well for himself and always helped pay my domestic and personal bills. Even if I try hard to keep away from him, I end up giving in because I need his help financially. When we get together, we always end up having sex which has always has been very good, but just confuses matters.
This morning my ex was telling me he wants to do whatever it takes to make things right with me. He is coming on strong and asking me to move in with him at whatever cost. I feel like am stuck and can't make a decision, and yet I know I can't continue being with two men and giving them hope. HELP!!
-- Stuck Stephanie
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Dear Stuck Stephanie --
It sounds like you just don't like being alone. Your ex betrayed you. Your best friend just happened to take his place and now you're betraying him???? Did you conveniently forget that your ex cheated on you and was disrespectful to you?!
It's pretty clear that you need to get a little bit of alone time to figure out who and what you want in a relationship. This should be the person you love deeply, connect with, and respect the most, not the one who pays for things or who happens to live the closest. You also need to figure out your financial situation so you can make enough money to pay your own bills - you shouldn't have to rely on your ex for financial stability.
I'm not sure what your arrangements are with your current boyfriend, but if he is committed to you (although in another country) and you are having sex with your ex, well, then you're both on different pages about the relationship. After you figure out who you want to be with (please do this soon!), you've got to be honest and break it off entirely with the other person. It's not fair to lead both men on just to suit your needs, especially since your current boyfriend clearly has no idea what's going on back at home. I wish you luck Stephanie in whatever decision you make.