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You Asked: I'm Having Major Cold Feet

You Asked: I'm Having Major Cold Feet


Dear Sugar,

I have a serious dilemma. My fiancé and I have been together for four and a half years, living together for three, and engaged for five months. We set a date and everything was great, except I started to get very nervous — I have major cold feet! I love him dearly and our relationship is awesome except for a few things: I wish we had a better sex life and I struggle with having more of a social need than him. I want a little spontaneity in my life, I am only 23!

Though I'm having cold feet, I don't want to lose such a great person by letting my fear get the best of me. I decided that I needed to be alone and live by myself for a while so I could figure this all this out. He moved out a week ago, and I am not missing him that much. I see him everyday and we are still together, we're just living separately.

I am completely confused and need advice as to what to do. Does age really matter when it comes to marriage? Does hot sex really matter? Please help! I'd rather not get married then get married and get divorced. — Cold Feet Courtney

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Dear Cold Feet Courtney,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having second thoughts about your upcoming wedding, but for the record, I think you're doing the right thing by making sure you're ready for this major commitment. If you're feeling like this relationship is holding you back in any way, you have to decide if you think you can grow as a couple or if you'll only be able to flourish on your own. All couples are different and while some feel marrying young is a bad idea, it works for others. This is a personal decision you're going to have to make for yourself, but if you're not openly talking about your feelings with your fiancé, I suggest you do so immediately.

The fact that you're not missing him is a red flag to me — most of the time distance makes the heart grow fonder — so if you don't feel the time is right to take this next step, call off the engagement. If you truly love him but you're just scared, consider postponing the wedding so you can work through the issues that are making you doubt your future. At the end of the day, you're going to have to follow your instincts and your heart. I wish you luck.

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