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You Asked: I'm Homesick All the Time

You Asked: I'm Homesick All the Time

Dear Sugar--

I just migrated from the Philippines and I'm homesick all the time. I just graduated from college last March, finishing a Bachelors Degree in Nursing. As the days go by, I feel that I'm kinda lost in some ways, knowing that my friends back home are enjoying a more laid back life (that's how Filipinos are, sometimes).

Right now, I am enrolled at a review center near my apartment and because of that I need to spend most of my time studying. I know that I have to try to like it here but I just have so many ups and downs. I just want to fit in more but I don't know how. Help!

--Missing Home Marielle

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Missing Home Marielle--

Well I have to say that I commend you for following your dream to be a nurse and sticking to it. I'm sure it was really difficult for you to leave you friends and your home, but like you said, you've got to make the most of your time here.

I know you are working hard studying, but you'll never succeed if you are constantly feeling sad and lonely. I wonder if there are any girls or guys that are your age at the review center that you could get to know. If not, I suggest you join a gym, take an art or dance class, get a part-time job, or hang out at the local cafe. Getting involved with some non-school activities will help you meet people. Once you make some friends, they can show you around, introduce you to their friends and teach you all about American culture.

The reason you are so homesick is because you feel like an outsider. If you can immerse yourself socially, you'll feel more connected to your new home, and hopefully it will help take your mind off missing the Philippines. I hope this helps. You should be very proud of how much you are accomplishing!

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bingkaycoy bingkaycoy 8 years
I'm a Filipina who have been in this country for 9 years. The first few years was not really that lonely because I made friends right away however I just find so many things shocking to me because of the way Filipinos are reared. I found it so difficult to adjust here and ingrain in my system that this I don't have to compare my home country to this country. I have a hard time adjusting with the food (Filipinos love fish and vegetables) and I can't live without eating rice. I find the cold weather still loathsome and the values they have here are so sshocking---gay marriage, kids rule ---that kids can imprison their parents by calling 911, kids tallking back to parents, little girls dressing up like teenage sluts, the calling of people's names regardless of their hierarchy e.x. a kid can call his mother's friend by his/her name, the elderly people go to nursing homes and taking care of them by children are considered burdensome, etc, etc. But what can you do? You need to just accept these realities without changing yourself and your principles. It may be uncomfortable, but we are only second-class citizens here . We chose to live here and we should never expect this country just like our home country without the "bad parts". Generally , Americans are friendly so you can expect to make them your friends however don't expect them to share your values because they have different set of cultural and social values. Filipinos are more family-oriented to the point of extending our families. American families also care about their own families but they are exclusive. Unlike in the Philippines, "noise" is considered as an expression of "merriment" and we could never do anything about it, but here you can be sued for making noise and interrupt your neighnors. They discourage gate-crashers here but in the Phils. gate crashers are so welcome. When Americans eat, they don't invite others to "eat with them" as opposed to our value when we say "Kain tayo (Let's eat)" even to strangers and even though we know we hardly have any food enough to feed another mouth because that is our polite way to share blessings. So, start making friends with people in your apartment building, in your neighborhood like going to the parks (I m ade friends whom I met at parks), and joining an association of Filipinos in your area.
pookietrue pookietrue 8 years
I didn't move to another country, but when i moved to another part of the country I looked up a local adult co-ed sports league. Every city has them. There are usually tons of teams that need players and it's a fabulous way to meet people, get involved with lots of different activities, plus stay healthy. When you tell people you are new to the area, they usually are more than happy to bring you into their group of friends.
aibkhano aibkhano 8 years
I like all the advice so far. Maybe another thing that you could do is find some Filipinos that are your age to hang out with. Especially Filipino-Americans. They could probably help you assimilate. Stick in there and if you would rather go home, then go back. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're happy! However, sometimes when you spend a lot of time abroad there tends to be a reverse culture shock when you go back home. Good Luck!
KadBunny KadBunny 8 years
Well hey kabayan. :) I totally understand how you feel, I've been away from the Philippines almost 5 years now and as much as I'm happy my friends back home are having the time of their lives, you can't help but hate not being there to share it with them. In the end though you're making a brighter future for yourself and your family so keep that in mind when you're feeling blue. I totally agree with what DearSug said; integrate yourself within the community. I'm getting the feeling you're not in a Filipino populated area like LA or San Fran so it might've been harder for you to start over. I was lucky enough to have that chance. But really, REALLY start a new life; make new friends. Don't worry. It doesn't mean you have to forget where you come from but if you want to move on accept that this is where you are now, will be for a while, and that it's okay. A lot of us are going through the same thing and it works out. It did for me. Good luck. Ingat. :)
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Awww I feel so bad for you. Being homesick is really a horrible thing, and sometimes you feel so alone... When i was in europe for 3 months I got very homesick a lot. Especially at first. I couldn't speak any of the languages, didn't know the customs,...and it was pretty tough. i cried myself to sleep many times. But, as time wore on it got better and easier for me to deal with it. I'm sure you will start to feel a little better as well. It's normal to feel that way you are feeling. I undertsand you have to study, and that it takes up most of your time, but perhaps finding a study buddy even might help you. There is lots of good advice given so far, so just try your best and you will be fine!
maplesyrup maplesyrup 8 years
Hi there, I can completely relate to your loneliness especially being so far away from family and also making new friends in a new place can prove to be a challenge in itself. One thing I've learned from moving away from family, is that it only made me stronger. You'll have those occassional ups and downs, lonely feelings, and sometimes even depression sets in. But, what i can suggest for you to do is try to find what you like about your new environment, check it out, and join some social groups in the city where you live. There's this website I really like, it's www.meetup.com that has helped me find new friends and learn new things. Hope you'll find the social group that can help you feel better and give you something more positive to focus on than focusing on your family and friends back home. Good luck!! Life is a journey we must all embark on!
annebreal annebreal 8 years
Honestly, I've never been in your situation so all I can say is all the above advice sounds good to me. But I just want to encourage you in that going to an American university as an international student is really hard by itself, especially if English isn't your first language, and nursing school on top of that? That has to be one of the most stressful undergraduate programs I can think of! You're obviously a very bright, very motivated woman who's going after something she wants. So keep at it, keep your head up, and your family back home should be very proud of you.
lolany lolany 8 years
Oh, I know the feeling! I've been away from home (Germany) for 17 years now and as I get older I am getting more and more homesick. It used to be easy in the beginning, I never thought about the future etc, I just lived each day as it came. During those years I've tackled everything and accomplished everything anyone could ever dream off. I've traveled the world and met a ton of great people and have learned a lot. Now however, I see my parents getting older and needing more and more help - I miss them a lot and I miss my old friends! I do see them as much as I can, 2-3 times a year but I still can't shake the feeling that it is selfish for me to be here, as I could easily even work from there at my current job. It's hard, very, very hard... so I can't give you much advice, I can only tell you that I feel the same way, even after all these years. Hang in there and think about what's really important to you... I'm doing the same. Best of luck!
brokeinthecity brokeinthecity 8 years
It takes time to make friends. You don't create friendships overnight. Try taking classes, or going to things where you'll be forced to interact with people without coming off like some stalker-freak.. (I am always afraid of giving the wrong impression when I just want to be friends). I'm lonely all the time.. (lol).. since I travel to different cities and I work with different clients with different teams, all the time. I don't go back to my home city at all where all of my friends are, and to be honest, you will get used to it. Just keep in touch through email, telephone etc, but do NOT isolate yourself. Try asking others whether they want to study together, or join a club... anything to do with having to talk to people on a regular basis. It'll help. I met some of my best friends just by turning around and saying "Hello, My name is FB". The one girl I introduced myself to, turned out to be one of my closest friends that I call and chat with on a regular basis now that I'm away on projects all the time. Hang in there... Fabulously Broke in the City http://fabulouslybrokeinthecity.blogspot.com
nyaradzom2001 nyaradzom2001 8 years
Hi Marielle, I'm also an international but I lie in canada and i was sooo homesick at first but I realised that this si the only time you will have in your life to have fun. You are away from your family and friends but now is the time to discover what makes you you. Go for walks, go watch movies, theatre, basketball matches, immerse yourself in the culture. It's hard and I feel your pain but you have to get up and go out there and make the best of your situation. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity don't waste it.
missro21 missro21 8 years
I use to be home sick as well. When and if you have time go back and visit. Although I am only seven hours away from home, my new state and city are decades ahead. But my family, who are farmers, are laid back as well. When I go visit and stay for a day or two, I begin to appreciate my other life much more. Also, I organized a city-wide club for people from my state. It helped me to socialize with people who were more in line with my beliefs and quality of life.
yoan190 yoan190 8 years
Hi Marielle, I really know the feeling, and I totally agree with Dear Sugar. We have to focus on our life now, not back home. Don't listen too much of your friends' story about how life goes at your country. When you miss your country somehow, call your parents and talk with them. Or just keep yourself busy and studying hard. The early you could finish your study, the early you could go home. Other thing is...maybe it's also not bad to join the community. I don't know exactly, but I think there are lots of Philipines people there? Oh, I am Indonesian and living in Germany. Also had some hard times, and even lost my spirit to work, also frustated with the language. But it's just a past now. ;-) Good luck!
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