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You Asked: I'm Not Ready to Meet His Ex

You Asked: I'm Not Ready to Meet His Ex

Dear Sugar,

I’ve been seeing an absolutely great guy for about a month and a half. We’ve made it clear that we’re both crazy about each other, and I am absolutely certain that this is going somewhere. We haven’t talked about it officially, but through different conversations we’ve had, it seems as though neither of us are seeing other people. I'm just excited to see what happens.

Last weekend we talked about going to a party where some of his friends were going to be, whom I've never met. He also mentioned that his ex-girlfriend would be there. While he didn’t think anything of it, the thought of meeting her made me extremely uncomfortable. All I know about her is that they dated for a couple years, broke up eight months ago, and are still friends. Fortunately we didn’t end up going to the party for other reasons, so I didn't actually have to confront the issue head on.

I don’t care that he has an ex or that he’s friends with her, I’ve just never been in a relationship where an ex was even an issue (I'm only distant friends with one of my exes) — clearly this is all very unfamiliar territory. I feel like it’s a pretty big deal and that we’re just not ready to venture into that realm of our relationship yet. We should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company, having sex three times a day, not meeting exes yet! Is it wrong of me to not want to meet her? I know this is going to come up again, and I don't know how to handle it.

— Looking to Avoid Her Leila

To see Dear Sugar's answer


Dear Looking to Avoid Her Leila,

The ex factor is different for every couple. Some people want to know everything there is to know about their significant other's ex and would be thrilled for the opportunity to meet them, while other people are more like you and just don't feel comfortable knowing that kind of information. If it's something that bothers you this much, I think you should discuss it with the guy you're seeing.

Next time she comes up, casually broach the subject and let him know how you're feeling. It definitely sounds like this is a conversation that needs to be had. It's likely he'll both ease your worries and take a step back on the ex introduction. Keep in mind that it's possible that he was just very excited about introducing you to his friends, which isn't necessarily a bad thing just because his ex is one of them. He might be so over her that he doesn't even see this as being a potential issue. Even if your relationship is undefined, it's never to early to start the process of communication. I hope this helps.


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